Which women you should never give 2nd chances to when it comes to dating and romance.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a viewer who has been following my work for about eight months and read How To Be A 3% Man, eighteen times. However, he recently made another date with a woman who had previously stood him up about six months ago. They matched on the dating app Tinder, and she stood him up again.
He asks what he should have done differently. He says flakes and no shows on dates are pretty common with online dating in his city. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.
This guy’s problem is he’s just not following the book, and it’s obvious he’s a little needy, he’s a little desperate. The holidays are upon us and he’s thinking, “Maybe I need to get a girl for the holidays to have somebody on my arm when I go and hang out with family.” A lot of people do that this time of the year. There are red flags here that are just so obvious, and yet he ignores it. And the only reason he’s ignoring it is because she’s hot and he’s desperate.
But the reality is, if somebody stands you up like that, they’re done. What the late great Doc Love used to say is, “You get one chance per life.” If a chick dicks you over like that, if you keep interacting with her, now you’ve enabled her behavior. Now, you’re telling her “It’s okay to do that to me again.”
I’ve been following your work for 8 months or so. I’m on at least my 18th go around of 3% Man and I watch your videos every day.
“How To Be A 3% Man,” you can read for free at UnderstandingRelationships.com, along with “Mastering Yourself,” a book on self-reliance, as well as the third book, “Quotes, Ruminations & Contemplations.” Make sure you subscribe, so you can start reading those books right now.
I’ve written to you several times and have had one question answered so far. I originally found your work because of the elusive ex-girlfriend I wanted back. She’s back in the picture and I’m seeing her off and on non-exclusively now, but this email isn’t about her.
Shortly after discovering your work, I connected with a very attractive girl on Bumble. This was 5-6 months ago. She was recently separated but hot and fun. I set a date then shut up. The date was several days later, maybe even a week, (not really sure, it was a while ago). I got to the restaurant and texted her where I was sitting, and she replied back that she had totally forgotten and was apologetic.
Women don’t forget dates with you unless they don’t give a shit. She had low interest.
She offered to still meet that evening, so we rescheduled for two hours later at my place with a plan to order takeout. We did that, but she was clearly new to dating again and was super structured.
Again, what does the book say about structured women? She belongs to the streets! What you’re looking for is easygoing, easy to get along with, a woman who’s like, “Hell, yeah, I’d love to spend time with you.” She’s enthusiastic, she keeps her dates. She doesn’t go, “Oh yeah, I totally forgot.” She forgot because she didn’t care. She had low interest. I wouldn’t be making dates with women like that.
She announced upon arrival that she didn’t kiss on the first date and cited a Cosmo article when I chuckled. We still had a good time. I wasn’t going to call her back, (failed kiss test).
So, he tried to kiss her and she gave him the cheek.
But she contacted me again, so I attempted to set another date. Never happened.
It’s so obvious there’s low interest, low integrity. Beautiful girls on these dating apps, they’ve just got so many matches, so many dudes throwing their dicks at them all day. You’re just another number to them. You’re just another swipe. Why put yourself in a position where you, in essence, are like one of her fans? That’s why I’m not a fan of online dating.
It’s so much better in person, especially now, because so many people are addicted to their devices and don’t have the people skills to interact with other human beings. So, for guys that have the confidence to ask women out in person, you’re going to do a lot better.
Fast forward to a few days ago, I was swiping on Tinder and came across a new profile for her. Figured what the hell and sent her a text message, (still had her number), asking if she’d like to go out.
So, right there, it should have never happened. I would have swiped the other way, denied, blocked. One chance per life. She stood you up, you tried to set another date after she stood you up. She turned the cheek. I mean, there’s so many red flags there, you should have never given her another chance.
But this is what happens when guys are desperate and they’re like, “Oh, she’s hot.” Yeah, but she treated you like dirt. And despite her treating you like dirt, you keep trying to give her another chance to treat you like dirt. So, therefore, you shouldn’t be surprised when she treats you like dirt.
She immediately agreed and we set a date. Six months ago, I was somewhat robotically following the rule of not contacting a girl again after setting a date unless she contacted me.
Well, if you’re only doing online dating and you talked to a girl for five minutes and then you set a date a week in advance, the chance of her actually showing up for it, that’s pretty slim to none. If you’re at your friend’s barbecue on the weekend, watching football or whatever, you meet a cute girl, you spend a couple of hours chit-chatting, and you really connect and click with her – you like talking to her, and you don’t run out of things to talk to her about – you can go pick her up. She’s not going to stand you up. But a woman like this you just spent a few minutes with, yeah. You’ve got to make sure you have rapport.
Now, since I’m mostly online dating…
Because it’s easy and guys are lazy. But again, you’ve got to understand, you’re going into the woman’s arena here, where they’ve got all the power because they’ve got all the thirsty guys chasing them.
I did a success story about a week ago. It’s like, create your profile similar to what I wrote in “How To Create The Ultimate Online Dating Profile,” and let women contact you first. And the ones that message you, those are the ones you should go out with. I wouldn’t be messaging women on those dating apps. It’s just an absolute time waster. Then it becomes like a full time job.
…I usually slow the text conversation down, and if it’s stopped, I’ll reach out again a day before the date with a “looking forward to meeting you tomorrow,” or something like that to let them know I’m still here. Ghosting is a problem everywhere with online dating.
And the reason why, to me, for the amount of effort, the juice ain’t worth the squeeze. It’s just so much easier to meet women in person.
But it’s like a way of life here in Washington State, (we have a name for it called “the Seattle Freeze”), so I’ve found girls tend to not show up if they haven’t heard from you in three or four days if you don’t at least give them some proof you’ll show up.
It all depends on the level of rapport. If you barely talk to them for a few minutes, yeah, you probably should. In those situations, if you just set a date, maybe three hours before the date say, “Hey, I’m going to be a half hour late today.” If you’re supposed to meet at 6:00, “Hey, how about we meet at 6:30? Does that work for you?” Simple as that. It makes it easy for those low rapport cases, to make sure you don’t get stood up. Because that’s a pain in the ass, but that’s that’s what you’ve got to deal with when online dating.
In any case, I didn’t even need to do that this time. She texted me yesterday and recalled our previous date to verify I was who she thought I was. So far, so good, was expecting her to show up. Got to the restaurant tonight and texted her where I was waiting and got a “didn’t you get my messages?” text.
I sent a screenshot of our brief exchange from the day prior and asked if that was what she was talking about. She said no, that she had sent more messages that “must not have gone through”…
…and that she might have Covid.
Whatever. So, this is not shocking, not shocking at all, because she stood him up before. So, it shows she has no character, no integrity, but yet he’s trying to continue to set dates for the simple reason, why? She’s hot, that’s why. He should have swiped left on that chick when he saw her pop up in Tinder. But no.
The book is only going to help you screen out the poor quality women if you actually apply it. If you do the opposite of what the book teaches, this is what you get.
So, I sent a text saying, “No worries, hope you feel better. Feel free to hit me up if you’d like to get together in the future.”
Again, saying, “Thank you, Your Highness, may I have another? Please abuse me some more.” I would have never said that.
So, it’s two dates with her and two no-shows. The first time it was forgivable, because she either legit forgot…
No, she didn’t. That would have been disqualification.
…or just assumed I wasn’t showing up, since it had been several days and there wasn’t enough rapport yet, and because she rescheduled for the same evening, (even if she failed the kiss test).
Again, she dicked you around. She wouldn’t make the date. There was no “Hell yeah, I’d love to go out with you.” There was “Ehh,” and so he rationalized that away, saying, “Oh well, she was new to dating. But now, she’s ready to date me.”
The second time, it was an obviously bad excuse about text messages she never sent and Covid – the excuse no one will argue with.
Yeah, just like “Oh, I forgot .” If it was Brad Pitt that had made a date with her, she would have remembered. So, the fact that she forgets your date shows that you weren’t that important to her. And guess what? Six months later, you’re still not that important to her. And she clearly doesn’t feel bad, because there’s no consequences. Because you kept saying, “Hey, no problem. Can I have some more of that?”
Clearly a flakey trend here, clearly a flakey girl who either has bad manners, relatively low interest, was testing me, or a combination of the above.
I’d say she’s a flake, she’s got no integrity, she’s got bad manners, and on top of that, she’s got low interest.
But as I was saying “feel free to hit me up in the future,” it just felt weak to me.
Well, that’s because it was. I would never have sent that to her. I wouldn’t have been talking to this girl at this point. But at this point, you’re off on your own in the left field doing the opposite of what the book teaches, and then you’re shocked like, “I’m getting jerked around. I wonder why this is.”
If you just bottom line her actions from six months ago, it ended the same way. That’s why you judge people by what they do, not what they say.
Here’s a girl blowing me off again. I acted umperturbed, but it also felt like I was just letting her off scott free for blowing me off a second time.
You asked for it dude. No one will ever do or say anything to you that you don’t invite them to do. And you invited her to jerk you around, because she should have never heard from you again after that first time.
I really wanted to call her out a little, considering my time is valuable, and by giving the standard offer of another time, I’m just going to let it happen again if she does decide to contact me.
Again, bro, once she turned her head and you got her cheek, that was it. This is why you don’t fuck around with those girls. But this is what happens with guys that are desperate and they’ve got no other prospects. “Let me try to make something out of this.” You can’t make good wine from bad grapes.
If she was actually just trying to test my strength, I feel like I just failed there.
She wasn’t trying to test your strength. She just didn’t give a fuck about you, and you just didn’t want to admit that because she was hot. You wanted the hotness.
That the more alpha thing to do would have been to let her know I’m not just some chump who’s fooled by her game.
Well, you’re a chump because, again, you tried dating a structured girl who gave you the cheek and stood you up on your first date. That’s it. That’s disqualification. No second chances for that. She belongs to the streets! Send her back to where she belongs.
So, I welcome your feedback here. What’s more alpha? Acting completely unperturbed, or being a little perturbed and standing up to her.
What’s more alpha is never calling or texting her again for any reason after she stands you up the first time or gives you the cheek. Following the book, that’s what you should do. What you did here, this whole email here, was you just wasted your time, and you shouldn’t have been giving this chick the time of day. So, that’s all on you, bruh, because you didn’t follow instructions.
I know it sucks, but all I can do is suggest what’s in the book. It’s all right there for you, but if you do the opposite, you shouldn’t be surprised that you’re getting crappy results. That’s why this stuff is in there, to protect you from getting involved with fruit loops like this. I want you to have a good experience, and you’re not going to have good experience dealing with chicks like this.
So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen and book a coaching session with yours truly.
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Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“When it comes to online dating, women have all the power. They get tons of attention from thirsty men and, therefore, lots of low quality and low integrity women are given a lot of choices and power over men that they shouldn’t have. They are fickle, flakey and have zero remorse when it comes to following through on their commitments and no problem standing a guy up or jerking him around on purpose. It’s always better to meet women in person, because it’s easier to establish rapport and spot character flaws when you interact with them in the real world vs. the digital world of online dating.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne
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