Men are visual creatures. There is an old saying that says, “men fall in love through their eyes, and women through their ears.” In my younger years when I was blowing every good chance I had with women I liked, I seemed to always become convinced that the woman I had just met was exactly the right woman I had been waiting for. I got emotionally hung up pretty quickly.
During my childhood I had developed an irrational limiting belief that when I met the perfect girl, everything would go according to plan and unfold magically like it did in the movies. However, for many years of my adult life, my love life seemed more like a Greek tragedy than a love story. A hard life lesson that took me many years to learn, was that you should never give your heart away to a woman who has not earned it.
Human beings only tend to value things or relationships that they have had to earn. We tend to take for granted things that come easily to us. It’s common sense really when you think about it, but when it comes to matters of the heart, how many people are actually able to do the right thing most of the time? Not many when you consider that the divorce rate is over 50% and every day more and more people are choosing open relationships, living together without being married, being a single parent, etc. than choosing traditional relationships. When you look at the numbers, marriage really does seem like a dying institution.
It’s hard to choose to do the right thing when you are still young and do not have much life experience. However, over the decades of getting my heart kicked in when I was younger, I learned the value of not being so quick to give my heart away and my love to a woman who had not earned it or reciprocated interest. I did not realize it at the time, but my over-eagerness and neediness was communicating to women that I was seeking their approval, instead of making sure that they were more than just a pretty face. That behind those gorgeous eyes and killer body, there really was a good and honorable woman who would appreciate me for me.
Think of a baseball card collector. The more of a particular baseball card there are in existence, the less they are worth. The fewer there are of a specific baseball card in existence, the more valuable they will be. If you really saw yourself as a man who was a catch, would you really give your heart away and love the first pretty girl who came along? Of course not.
Until I got to date and fall in love with a woman who was also in love with me for the first time, I automatically assumed all beautiful women were perfect and there must be something wrong with me. Since I was always the one who was getting rejected, the thought never entered my mind that not all of these women who were rejecting me were actually a very good catch themselves. It wasn’t until I learned what I was doing wrong to turn women off, that I actually got to date and sleep with gorgeous women who normally would have rejected me. At first I slept with as many beautiful women as I could get. But deep down I always wanted a really truly meaningful and deep connection with a woman. Sex was not very fulfilling. It was fun and felt great, but I never felt fulfilled just having random sex. The first time I made love to a woman who I was in love with, and who was in love with me, it was a life-changing experience. It totally opened my heart in ways I never imagined.
So what did I do? I wanted to get laid more often, which I did. But when I realized just how easy it was to meet random women and get laid, I actually started sleeping with less women. I became picky as hell. Sleeping with women whom I did not love or have a very deep connection with left me feeling empty. It was funny. I had become just as picky with women, as women used to be with me when I was constantly communicating that I was unworthy, and therefore getting rejected all of the time. I found that less really was more. I didn’t want just any woman. I wanted spectacular! Some women might say I became stuck up. I really started to see myself as a catch, and therefore I was no longer willing to sleep with just any woman because I was horny. I would rather go without than to settle.
So if you want women to treat you like and see you as a catch, then you must act like a catch. Only sleep with women who really do it for you. If you’ve never rejected a woman before, it really will make you feel better when you start turning away women who only weeks or months before, you would have given anything to sleep with. Make sure that the women you date, are making the same kind of effort to see and spend time with you that you are with them. Never try to keep someone who does not want to keep you. Having relationships with and dating women who knock your socks off, and whose socks you knock off, is magical. Use the strategies I teach in my book to hone your skills and skyrocket your success with women. The more success you have with women, the pickier you will become; but the more spectacular and fulfilling the women you date and relationships you have, will be.
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From my heart to yours,
Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“There are no secrets to success. It is the result of preparation, hard work, and learning from failure.”-Colin Powell