What you should do when friends and family try to sabotage your success, dreams and goals and make you doubt yourself.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a viewer who has an issue with the changes he is making in his life to reach his full potential. After reading my book, How To Be A 3% Man, he’s decided to go for what he really wants in life. He wants to move to another city, but his close friend is mad and trying to get him to change his mind so he stays in the city and they can be roommates, like they originally talked about doing.
After studying my work, he realized that he was complacent and lazy in all aspects of his life and resolved to work out five days a week and get serious about life and his dreams. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.
So, I’ve got an email from a guy who found my work and read my first book, How To Be A 3% Man. He’s been through it a couple of times and he recognized that, as he put it in his own words, he was being lazy and complacent in all areas of his life that were important to him. And so, he got really serious about his purpose and what he wanted. He started working out five days a week. He’s gotten in the best shape of his life, and now he wants to move to a different city.
But he’s got one of his close friends, he originally talked about moving in together with and becoming roommates, and now that he wants to leave and move, the other friend, instead of being supportive of his goals and dreams, is doing everything he can to sandbag his goals and dreams. He’s thinking, “Why would somebody who’s so close to me that’s supposed to be a friend do this?” Anybody that is familiar with this process, when you start applying How To Be A 3% Man and Mastering Yourself and you start pursuing your goals and dreams, you’re going to encounter resistance oftentimes in your inner circle and people that are closest to you. And there is a reason for that.
When you decide to grow beyond your current peer group and apply the cheat codes of life, if you will, like I like to call the stuff that’s in Mastering Yourself and How To Be A 3% Man, people in your life, they’re going to notice that. They’re going to feel like they’re losing you, and they’re going to want to hold you back and keep you where are you’re at? And other people just are not going to like the fact that you’re going for things that you want and they’re not.
You can only take care of you and your actions, and that’s the most important thing, because people are going to question you. Oftentimes, when you get questioned or you get insulted, what they’re really doing is they’re testing you to see if you really believe in what you believe, because deep down, they don’t believe in themselves and they’re looking for other people to believe in. And so, by continuing to persist and go for the things you want, you’ll inspire them to do the same things in their own life.
And then the haters, the people that are just too weak, they’ll just continue to hate more and become such a problem that you just simply will spend less and less time with them. Like they say in jujitsu, you will manage the distance between them and you. And people that mean you harm, you want to keep them away from you as much as possible.
First, I’d like to thank you for all the work you do. I found your work when a relationship went sideways, much like most of your clients, and am currently on my 2nd read of 3% Man which I of course plan to read 10-15 times. This email, however, is not about a woman or dating, but rather about one of my close friends that seems to have an issue with the way I am changing my life and potential outcomes that I want to achieve.
Well, the important thing is it’s your life. You only have control over what you do, just like your buddy only has control over what he does.
Since discovering your work, I have realized that I have been complacent and lazy in all aspects of life. I now go to the gym 5 days a week and am in the best shape I have been since high school, (I am 24 currently). I also make your green alkaline smoothies and drink them nightly.
That is awesome. That’s such a paradigm shift. One of the things that I’m doing with some friends of mine — they’re kids of some of my closest friends who you’ll be meeting — we’ve been doing a lot of filming over the last month or so. Their names are Gracie and Chunky, and we’re doing what’s called the 30 day challenge. And so, for the 30 day challenge, they’re drinking two to three glasses of green juice every day. They’re doing an alkaline smoothie every day, eating one to two apples a day, doing the PHour Salts that I talk about in “Mastering Yourself.”
And then we’re going to finish it up probably with some colonics and a two day juice cleanse with some of the colon cleansing products that I talked about “Mastering Yourself,” and then a couple of weeks of network chiropractic care with my network chiropractic doctor, Dr. Dominick D’Anna, which you can look up at BeSimplyWell.com. And so we’ll I’ll take them through two weeks.
You’ll see what Gracie is like. Her back’s a little rolled over and her shoulders are rolled over. And after about two weeks, because she’s so young and you know, people that are really young, they haven’t had decades of life trauma stuck in their nervous system. So people that are young kids, they change really quickly when they get worked on. So I’m excited to see how she changes and how that changes her and how she perceives the world. Same thing with Chunky.
So you get to see them, because Gracie, she’s really beautiful, but she’s got some acne on her face just because, you know, she’s eats a typical college diet, a lot of garbage food. But, you know, she’s doing a good job so far. She’s been pretty committed. She’s working out, because she’s never really been a person to work out. So she’s getting in shape, she’s starting to run. Chunky is doing the same thing. And so, it’s cool to see the progression.
So, what we’re going to do is we’re going to have a couple of months of filming and all this stuff, and you’ll see in their skin, you’ll see how their physiology changes, and it’ll just be a cool process. Because the reality is very few people will actually do the health stuff that I talk about, that I go into detail in “Mastering Yourself.” But it’s the kind of thing, it’s like you have to experience it.
And what they’re starting to see is they go several days juicing, like, I think it was last week, Gracie hadn’t missed a day, and then she went out of town for the weekend and didn’t drink any green juice, because she didn’t take any with her for a couple of days. And when she came over Monday, she was just totally dragging ass and really tired, and I was making fun of her. But they’re starting to crave it. And they can tell when they’re a little run down and tired, they suck down a green juice or a smoothie, and it wakes them right up.
So, it’s a paradigm shift. It completely changed everything for me, and I’ve been doing this almost twenty years now. Twenty years now, I’ve been juicing and doing these smoothies, perfecting the recipes, obviously. So, I know how it makes me feel when I don’t stay committed to these things, because I want to feel good and I don’t like getting colds and I don’t like getting sick or hay fever or the flu or any of that stuff. And so, that’s why I continue to take good care of myself.
Plus, I’ve got weak skin, and so I just have to take care of myself, otherwise I’ll get skin cancer and have other unpleasant problems, which obviously, I went in extensive detail in “Mastering Yourself.” You can sit here and I could describe how great it is, and you can watch other people go through it, but it’s like trying to describe a rose, like what it looks like and smells like to somebody that’s never seen a rose and never smelled a rose. It’s something you have to experience in your body. So, I’m excited to share that in the coming months. Probably in late summer we’ll have all that stuff ready, and then you guys can see the results for yourself.
So, I think it’s awesome, to the emailer, that you’re making the smoothies. It makes a huge difference, a night and day difference. Like I said, it’s a paradigm shift.
Anyway, the biggest problem was that I had not been focused or driven to advance in my career. Since graduating college a year and a half ago, I have been working a crappy contract position in my field with the company I had an internship with during college.
This is the experience of a lot of people. And so, part of the problem, when you have somebody that’s supposedly a friend that’s kind of sandbagging you, especially if he’s made the same kind of mediocre choice in his career, by having people like this in your inner circle and you’re like, “I want to get a job. I’m not happy.” They’re like, “Oh, it’s a good job. It pays well.” And you’re like, “But I hate it.” “Yeah, you can’t have everything in life.” So they kind of reinforce staying mediocre and playing small.
If you’re trying to kind of escape from that environment and better yourself, and you’re surrounded by everybody that’s kind of made the choice to just kind of be average or mediocre, (like I like to say, you’re either savage or your average), they’re literally going to hold you back, and they’ll try to talk you into staying put and continuing to do what you do. Because if you stay a the same level as they are, then you validate their life choices, you validate their belief systems. And me personally, I’m the kind of person that shakes things up.
The internship was great, but the contractor role I was given quite frankly sucks. The pay is the only good thing about it.
Well, you’re going to work hardest at things that you love and enjoy, and I go in extensive detail on that and “Mastering Yourself,” which I highly recommend. It’s free to read and UnderstandingRelationships.com. All you’ve got to do is subscribe to the email newsletter. Obviously, it’s available on audiobook, and paperback and hardcover.
I have been trying to look for new opportunities and I now am seeking to relocate to Washington D.C. from Pittsburgh, PA despite never even thinking about the possibility of making that kind of move. I want to live near other young professionals like myself and be in a buzzing environment.
I think that’s great, you’ve got a vision, you’ve got something that’s exciting and compelling, and you’re young. Go experience that. Go check those things out, and see what it’s like, and immerse yourself and work in these things.
Just like what I’m doing with Gracie and Chunky. They both are into film, they’re into Final Cut, they’re into a lot of the things that my work is involved in. And it’s a great honor to take the children of two of my closest friends, that have always been, for 30 plus years — Chunky’s father, I’ve known him since high school — and it’s cool to be able to expose them to the parts of the business that they’re really interested in, so they could see how they like it.
You don’t know until you try something, until you immerse yourself in it. Because your perception of it and your actual experience of it, they’re going to be a little different. And that’s why when you’re curious, and you want to go move to this other city, you’ve got to go do that, especially when you’re young, and see what it’s like.
Maybe you don’t ultimately stay there, but maybe just the fact that you step outside your comfort zone and go move to a new city, then when that runs its course, when you move to Washington, D.C., maybe you live there for a few years and you get bored of that city. You’re like, “This is cool, what’s next?” Maybe you move somewhere else that is exciting and compelling or maybe go live in another country for a couple of years. It’s like each time you step beyond your comfort zone, what you’re capable of expands. And as Tony Robbins says, “your comfort zone is where you’re most uncomfortable.” In other words, you’re going to grow most where you stretch the most. And so, I’m all for it.
One of my good friends seems butt hurt because he and I were going to originally be roommates and move somewhere in the Pittsburgh area together, but since I have had this shift in plans, he is not too happy.
I guess he’ll have to find another roommate, or maybe he can come move with you if his attitude changes.
He tells me that I am going through some early 20s “mid-life crisis” and that it’s too expensive to live in the D.C. area, trying to make me think like he does, which is that Pittsburgh is home forever and there’s no reason to leave.
Yeah, so he’s selling you on why you should give up on your dreams in order to validate his dreams, in essence, to validate his life choices. Because more than likely, deep down, he knows he’s playing small and he’s probably a little jealous about the fact that you want to go and do this.
I told him he’s welcome to join me when I move, but the more we talk, the more I think I wouldn’t want to live with someone that is negative like this.
That’s the other thing. He might be talking you out of wanting to be his roommate. And it sounds like he’s doing a good job. And it’s good that you’re having these conversations. This is healthy communication. It needs to happen. Obviously, in this case it’s amongst friends and not in a romantic setting, but you’ve got to speak up for yourself and what you want. You’ve got to communicate that to others.
The story he tells himself is the one he’s also trying to make me tell myself. Trust me, my new path in life has drawn plenty of criticism from people in my life, my parents especially. They also seem to have an issue with me moving to D.C., using the “cost of living is too high” thing on me as well.
Remember, the guy who had the crazy beard, wore the dark gloves? He had kind of long hair and he was like, “the rent is too damn high,” and that was his platform. He was a character.
I am doing my best to stick to my guns and do what Coach Corey Wayne would do in this scenario.
Well. Remember, no drama allowed. And what can happen, especially as your friends start to realize that you’re doing this and you’re moving, is that they might start bringing drama and they just might become a net negative in your life to the point where, like I was talking about earlier, you just want to manage the distance. You want to spend less and less time with them. Because you need to be with people who nurture you, who support you, who encourage you, who are like, “Hell yeah, I think that’s a great idea!”
I am not giving in. Once I get a new job, (I’ve already had one interview)…
And that’s another thing I go in extensive detail in “Mastering Yourself,” is how to get any job you want. There is a process in there that I teach, and there’s also videos that I’ve referenced there on my YouTube that you can watch. And it’s just a matter of time before you get the job that you really want. Any time when I was working for other people, I got every single job I ever went after.
And the method that I teach is something that most people don’t know. Really, it’s just strategy. It’s the differences that make the difference. I give you the cheat codes to life. Go sign up for my email newsletter at UnderstandingRelationships.com, so you can learn these things and apply them and see how well they work.
…I am moving there. I am craving a good social setting and a lively city life. I plan on getting my own bachelor pad there and meeting new people and making new friends, and hopefully meeting high quality women as well.
Dude, it is not a matter of hope, it is simply a matter of time. And while you’re still in Pittsburgh, you can be applying what’s in “How To Be A 3% Man” and improving your skills, your social skills especially, so when you arrive in Washington, D.C., it’s easy to make new friends and it’s easy to meet women. And obviously, that’ll be great for your self-confidence and your social life.
Overall, I just wanted to see what your thoughts are on why people that are supposedly your friends and family act this way. It’s frustrating when people can’t just be happy for you and support what you do.
You’re the man Coach.
Well, that that’s life, man. Like I said, you have your peer group, and now you’re rising beyond your peer group. And so, now you’re going to see who’s really on board, who’s really on your team and wants to see you do well, even though your parents aren’t supportive of it. Obviously, you’ve got to recognize that, more than likely, your parents haven’t lived up to their full potential. And obviously, they’re going to want the best for you, and they don’t want things to turn out badly. But you’re stretching beyond, not only your comfort zone, but their comfort zone. Because more than likely, they never did anything like what you’re about to do, and that’s scary to them.
And so, if you were to listen to them and not move away, especially like when I deal with clients that are like from India or different places in the Middle East, there’s a lot of pressure on the kids to be what the parents want them to be, and it just makes them miserable. And the best way to resolve that is to go and succeed, because once you succeed, and you do really well, and you blow everybody’s expectations away, then they’ll all be like, “I always knew you could do it, man. I knew you’re going to figure it out eventually.” That’s the kind of shit that you’ll hear from them. And it’ll would be very satisfying, because you never know who you’re going to inspire.
But like I said, the more you stretch beyond your current peer group, you’ll see that there’s really probably only a handful of people that really support you and are like, “Man, I think that’s great. I think you should go for it.” I wrote about some of those experiences that I had in my own life when I was younger, when I left Centex Rooney and how, with the exception of one guy, everybody just thought it was a dumb idea for me to go in business by myself. And it turned out all right.
So you’ve got to do what makes you happy. Your motivations for doing whatever it is that you do and why you do it, it’s got to be your reasons, emotionally compelling reasons. And that’s why when you choose to do something, you’re excited about it. What if 95% or even 100% of the people who are closest to you are like, “Oh, that’s a dumb idea. You shouldn’t do that.”? If you’re full of doubt and you’re not really into it, you’ll doubt yourself more and you’ll quit.
Whereas, if you have a fire in your belly, if inside you something is driving you to go experience this new life, this new city, this new job, whatever it happens to be, that fire that you have within you is what you need to ignore the haters and the doubters and the people that are going to try to sandbag you, and persist anyway. Because, like the video that I did yesterday, success is the best revenge.
It’s really sweet when you succeed and all those people that for years were telling you what a moron you are, and how stupid it was, and it’s never going to work out for you. And then when it does, they’re like, “Oh, I knew it would work out. Hey, by the way, can I borrow some money? I’ve got this business idea I’d like to like to start.” And then you get get that kind of stuff happening to you. Those are other problems that you get to look forward to as you continue to succeed.
So if you haven’t read “How To Be A 3% Man” or “Mastering Yourself” yet, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com and subscribe to the email newsletter, so you can start reading them immediately. If you want to get one of these mugs to remind yourself no drama allowed in your life, go to Teespring.com at the Coach Corey Wayne store. And obviously, if you want to book a phone coaching session with yours truly, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen on any page and book a coaching session with yours truly.
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Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“When you resolve to pursue your dreams so you can reach your full potential, you often encounter resistance, criticism and sometimes hostility from those closest to you. Why? Most people are living mediocre lives of quiet desperation as they major in minor things. Therefore, when you choose to go for what you really want, you are a reflection and reminder of how they are playing small and living a life that is less than they are capable of living. They will often resent this and try to sabotage you, so you change your mind and return to playing small like they are, thus, validating their mediocre life choices. The word lead means to go first. It’s best for you and everyone else you have the ability to influence that you are not deterred but emboldened to persist without exception. Some will be inspired to follow your example, but many will fall by the wayside and be left behind, because they are too weak to keep up. Other people’s weaknesses, flaws and shortcomings are not your fault, responsibility or problem.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne
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