How To Avoid Talking, Texting & Chasing Women Out Of Your Life

How to avoid talking, texting & chasing women out of your life.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer from India who is in Australia attending college. He met a beautiful Aussie woman who was really into him and asked him out. However, despite her initial high interest, he talked, texted and chased her right out of his life to the point she friend-zoned him.

It’s a good email to learn how to avoid turning women off who really like you. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

This particular email comes all the way from the Land Down Under Australia. It’s from a guy who’s originally from India. So he met a really attractive, beautiful Aussie woman who had super high interest. I’d put her interest probably at a seven or an eight. On a scale of one to 10 that I discuss in 3% Man, the chapter, It’s All In The Numbers, because she even goes as far as to ask this guy out.

The reason why I selected this email, I mean, this guy is brand new to my work, but he just details what a lot of us guys have experienced when we didn’t know any better. So it’s a good email to learn from and what not to do, because there’s so many details in here and things he does and things he says. You can tell he starts acting needy, he acts neurotic, he’s double, triple texting, he’s calling, he initially skates on his looks. The more he interacts with this particular woman that really liked him, he’s talking her out of liking him, texting her out of liking him, and basically chasing her right out of his life, and he doesn’t know any better because as she starts to back off a little bit after being really into him for the first few days, he just totally comes apart.

So with that said, let’s go through his email.

Viewer Email:

Hello Coach,

I’m Bob from India.

Amazing! They have Bobs in India too!

Currently I am in Australia for my studies. I met this beautiful Aussie woman in the train while going to a club and we instantly got connected and apparently she asked me out. We were totally into each other, making out in the club and she asked me to take her for dinner and gave me her number without me even asking for it.

Well, that’s just pretty much the definition of attraction is not a choice. He meets her, she meets him, strong attraction and it starts out kind of like a Disney movie, like it should, but what invariably happens in these situations is most men don’t understand that women are kind of like cats. So if you spend a bunch of days together, a lot of time together, hooking up, hanging out is that after a few days of a whirlwind beginning of a romance like this, women are just naturally going to back off. It’s almost like when you part ways, their interest is less or their the enthusiasm is less, and for a guy that didn’t get enough stroke strokes, “I love you’s,” enough hugs from mom and dad right away, you’re going to think, “Oh, something’s wrong. I gotta fix it,” which then is the illusion of action, and you think you got to do something to get her to like you more instead of just recognizing, “Hey, we just spent a bunch of time together. It’s actually kind of nice to have some space and time away from her so I can get caught up on things I normally would have done,” because this is not how you plan things. He’s just going out to have some fun, runs into a girl on the train, they click and then boom! They’re just kind of always together for a few days and then it starts to taper off, and when it tapers off, you got to be OK with that. You got to be totally indifferent to it. You got to be OK with spending two or three days together or talking two or three days in a row, and all of a sudden you might not hear from her for two or three days. This is where guys typically just totally come unglued when that happens.

Initially this is kind of like love at first sight. This is like it comes off in the movies, but most guys are unable to maintain this interest in this romance, because what should happen is she’ll back off for a few days, then she reaches back out and then he just makes the next date. You hang out, you have fun, you hook up, and when a girl’s already reaching out to you and she’s this into you from the get-go, you don’t even have to pursue her. You just wait to hear from her and then make the next date when you do. Then within a matter of weeks, three to four weeks, she’ll probably be head over heels in love with you, which would be shorter than the average woman that takes between six and eight weeks.

If you’re following everything that’s in the book, if you’re new, you can read 3% Man in the Members Area of my website. It’s free. Just put your name, your email in there and create a password for yourself, and as soon as you hit submit, the book will open up right in your web browser and you can read it right online on my website. You can try before you buy because the idea is we want you to avoid having things like this happen, because it ultimately ends with this guy getting friend-zoned. I think pretty much every guy has done stuff like this that didn’t know any better, met a girl he really liked, really liked her, then as the weeks go by, she just starts to back off to the point where you get friend-zoned or you get outright ghosted.

So an email like this, with the amount of detail he’s got in it, is a really good email to learn from because you can really see what the guy’s doing wrong, what he’s saying, what he’s doing that just turns her off. So it’s easy to point out these mistakes because most of us guys that don’t know any better and have consumed as much traditional TV and movies as we all typically have, you’re going to be kind of brainwashed to do the wrong things. You’re brainwashed into acting unnatural and unattractive, because when you’ve seen this archetype several thousand times from the time you’re a little boy until you grow up like this guy, I assume he’s probably early 20s, maybe. So you’ve seen that archetype over and over and over again, and you get emotionally anchored to it, so when you interact with a woman you really like, your emotionally anchoring just kind of takes over and you behave the way the TV programmed you to behave, which quite frankly, is totally unattractive to a feminine woman.

The next day, I took her for drinks and to eat some Thai. Everything was going good and she told me that she feels this connection with me that she never felt before. 

Again, this is the kind of thing that people say, “Oh, it’s love at first sight,” and if he hadn’t have talked, texted her and chased her out of liking him, it would have been a beautiful story, but it doesn’t mean it’s completely 100% over.

We met three times in a week and we were intimate pretty much and she was totally into me. The third time she was at my place and we were making out and where she asked me if I loved her and I just said yes. I know I could have said something else, but I was so in the moment.

So she could probably tell that you’re getting a little dopey, a little drunk on your feelings, you’re definitely highly infatuated. It’s a scientific fact that women are more attracted to men whose feelings are unclear. Women will like you more if they think that they’re more into you than you are into them.

Apparently she reached home and sent me a text saying she enjoyed time with me today and said thanks with a kiss emoji. 

From here, things start to take a little turn and she acted cold for two days and then for two days she disappeared.

This is where the kitty cat analogy comes in. So if you understand how women operate and you’re familiar with the book and all of a sudden, after spending that much time, because you don’t know each other, then all of a sudden you meet and now you spend three days together in the first week, that’s a lot. Women would say, “Oh, I feel overwhelmed,” and sometimes they notice that their feelings aren’t as keen on the guy as they were three days earlier or three dates earlier when they first met and started hanging out. So when that happens, the average woman is like, “Oh, how do I feel about this guy? Is he good for me? Do I like him? What does my girl friend think? What does my mom think? What do my co-workers think?” So they got to talk and spend some time away from you and wonder about you, so when this is going, because as it says in the book, a guy should initiate contact once per week, max to set one date per week. The reason being is you’re trying to go slower than the woman, because as you’ll see here, this guy is trying to go too fast, and when you go too fast, you’re too into it, you start trying to lock her down right away and you treat her like a girlfriend, she’ll say, “I feel overwhelmed. I feel smothered. I need space. There’s no chemistry. There’s no spark. I don’t feel the same way I did in the beginning.”

The most important thing to understand is that for women, what matters most is how they feel about you. Not how good looking you are, what a good dude you are, how big your bank account is or how nice your car is. The only thing that matters is how they feel about you. So this is totally normal and to be expected that she seems a little cold. So more than likely, this guy was texting and reaching out and noticing, “Oh wow, her replies are shorter. Why is she taking four hours to reply?” Whereas before, “I would text her and within 10 minutes she’s texting me back. Well, that’s a little weird. Maybe she’s mad at me. Maybe I upset her. Let me see if I can fix it. Let me see what’s wrong. Is everything OK?” They’ll start asking stuff like that. It’s the worst thing you can do if your mom and dad gave you enough hugs and “I love you’s” and somebody starts behaving this way, they’re a little distant, you just go, “Oh, she must be busy. I’m sure when she gets freed up, she’ll be in touch,” and then you just back off. If you don’t hear from her for a full week, then you’ll reach out and try to set the next date.

I texted her like crazy because of course I didn’t know about your book at all at that moment. Apparently she texted me back when I said that maybe I should give both of us some space…

So it sounds like he’s probably texting and she wasn’t replying. Then he’s like, “OK well, I guess I should give her space.”

…And she said I came on the way too strong and she is not ready for a relationship…

So what is happened is that she feels that he’s ready to make her his girlfriend and lock her down, and she’s thinking, “I just met this guy. I don’t even know him yet. How can he be that far along?” Whereas her feelings are just not there. So that’s typically the normal kind of things that you’re going to hear from a woman. “Hey, I’m not ready for a relationship.” It just means you’re moving too fast. Pump the brakes. It’s not the end of the world. You just have to recognize, “Oh shit, I’m coming on too strong.” I mean, she came right out and said it. He’s like, smothering her. She likes him, and she’s trying to help him and give him some direction on what to do, but obviously as you’ll see it, he didn’t know what to do. He just had no game and he was sloppy, and the more she backed off, the more he pursued, the more he chased, and it just doesn’t end well.

…And I schedule a phone call with her for better understanding.

So he’s like, “I got to fix it.” This is the illusion of action. So she said, “Hey, you came on way too strong. I’m not ready for a relationship.” I would say, “Hey, no problem. We can just slow it down a little bit. Just take a couple days and give me a call when you miss me terribly. Until then, have a great day,” and just let her be. Then two, three, four or five days go by, “Hey you!” She’ll reach back out, but obviously that didn’t happen in this case.

She tells me on the call that she is not ready maybe because she doesn’t know me and makes late night dinner plans with me and asks me that if I can be her trainer in gym as I am into fitness.

Apparently we were to go into these things a week later because she was out of the station and I did not go no-contact and kept texting her every now and then and she used to text just once a day. Later that day, she postponed the plan for next day and then again said that she may need to catch up once she is back from Thailand where she was on family trip. 

So you see, now she’s just kind of backing away. She’s starting to cancel plans, “Oh, let’s do it tomorrow,” because the reason why she’s putting the plans off is she’s noticed that her interest has dropped and she’s not really super excited to see him. So she puts it off thinking, “Oh, well maybe I’ll feel different tomorrow.“

She texts me Happy New Year and initiates the conversation at 12:30 a.m. on New Years Eve, tells me about her traveling plans, but when I asked for catch up she always gets silent.

So if you know she’s traveling and she’a been back and away and she’s telling you about her travel plans, just say, “Well, that sounds like a blast. I can’t wait to hear all about it. Hit me up when you’re back in town. Happy New Year,” and then I would dip from the conversation. More than likely, he probably tried to stay up all night and, “Hey, let’s talk. Let’s catch up.” Meaning he probably wanted to talk to her right then and there, which also communicated he wasn’t doing anything else on New Year’s and he’s willing to drop everything for her, and of course, she goes silent on him.

For another week, she was totally gone and then I started calling her.

Again, he’s just being impatient. He’s not waiting to hear from her. He’s thinking, “I got to do something. I got to get her back to the way she was those first couple days we spent together,” and the more he chases, the more he pursues, the more he calls, the more he tries to shoehorn himself into her life, the more she’s going to back away and become distant, and the more her interest is just going to continue plummeting.

We planned to catch up over a movie and she cancels it last minute.

Because she just didn’t want to see you because her interest was low.

So when I finally asked her that if she really wanna catch up or if it’s a burden on her she tells me all she wants is to be friends and does not see us working together in future. I accepted that, but next morning I said that if she wants to pursue what we had earlier give me a call or we can get to know each other, but let’s not label it anything. Now I am in no-contact. It has been one week. What should I do, and how bad is my situation? 

Bob

Well, this girl was super into you. I put her initial interest and attraction at a seven or an eight. On a scale of one to 10, that’s pretty high. So you just chased her out of your life, you talked, you texted her, then you started acting needy, desperate, double, triple-texting. Then when you couldn’t get a hold of her, you started calling her and it just made you look needy, desperate and insecure. Those are not the actions of a guy who is successful with women. Those are the actions of a guy that never gets the girl, and if you’re unable to get other girls, then the woman that you’re talking to is going to recognize, “Oh well, if other girls don’t want you, well I don’t want you.”

So that’s where you got to read the book. I mean, it’s free to read in the Members Area. All you got to do subscribe to UnderstandingRelationships.com. As soon as you get there, just put your name, your email, create a password and again, as soon as you hit submit, the book will open right up in your web browser. You got to fill in your knowledge gap dude, because you’re doing and saying a lot of things that are just kind of rookie mistakes, and obviously people who have been following me for a while are going to completely understand what’s going on here, but obviously we have lots of new people here as well. So these are just the baseline fundamentals. What you did initially was good, but once she backed off, you didn’t. You should have matched and mirrored that and just waited to hear from her. Instead, you kind of freaked out. Then you kept pursuing and you kept acting needy, neurotic and the opposite of confident.

The number one strength characteristic that women love in men is confidence. When you behave the way you do, you’re constantly communicating that you don’t have any confidence. That’s obviously not only going to turn her off, but all women in general, and you were able to get by with it more with this girl than a normal girl just because her interest started out so high. So you were able to make more mistakes in the beginning and get further down the road and spend a bunch of time together, but at the end of the day, it still ended with you getting rejected. At this point, you’ve told her, “Hey, get in touch if you change your mind or you want to pursue what we had earlier,” as you said, then I wouldn’t call, I wouldn’t text, I wouldn’t reach out for any reason. In other words, she’s dead to you. Unless you hear from her, the two of you will never, ever speak again as long as you live because she put the brakes on it, she said she doesn’t see it working out.

The other thing you have to understand is most women, most relatively attractive women, have had this happen dozens of times. By the time they get to be in their early 20s. It’s happened all through high school, probably even middle school. They met a guy they liked, they started talking to him, and then he just became needy, neurotic and over-pursued, chased and barraged her with texts and chasing to the point where she lost the feelings that she had for him. So when you start behaving this way, she knows how it ends, because she’s been through this several times with other guys in the past. That’s why most women just think their feelings are never going to return, because usually in almost 100% of these cases, the guys just never backed off. He just keeps pursuing, keeps chasing, keeps trying to fix things. “What’s wrong? Give me another chance.” He begs, he pleads and it just further cements in her mind that she made the right decision by blowing the guy off. So when you stop all forward movement and then you tell her, “Hey well, get in touch if you change your mind,” and then four or five days go by, a week goes by, maybe a couple of weeks goes by and she reaches out, you should assume her interest bubbled back up, and then you just make the next date, then you’re just kind of following the script that’s in 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back, the article and video I did several years ago that in this case I would be following with that says if she reaches out, invite her over to make dinner at your place, hang out, have fun and hook up. Keep it really simple, but now that this has happened, your pursuit of her is over forever. You should not be calling her or texting her at all. You got to let her come to you. If she reaches out, assume she wants to see you. Again, follow the script that’s in 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back.

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