No Contact Success. She’s Back!

What happens when no-contact works & she reaches out again.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who shares an update to a previous newsletter where he was the rebound and she went back to her ex. He shares the changes he made in his life that led to having more options with women than he’s ever had. After about three months she reached out and asked for another chance. However, he has so many other choices now, he’s not sure he even wants her back anymore.

My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

This particular email is an update to a previous newsletter. I think it was back in January and that was titled, I Was The Rebound. She Went Back To Her Ex Again. Will She Come Back?

So I talk about this a lot. A big portion of people that just find out about me were dating somebody they thought was going to become their next girlfriend or future ex-wife. Things are going well at first, and then all of a sudden things go sideways. Or like in this case, she went back to her ex. I believe he was displaying a lot of really unattractive behavior and just had a hard time controlling himself. However, he trusted the process. He spent time reading and applying 3% Man. His vibe changed. He focused on the things that I discuss and 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back, the article and video I did. It’s probably been at least 10 or 11 years. It just spells out, how are you going to no-contact, what you do when she breaks no-contact, how to respond to her objections when she tries to get out of coming over to make dinner at your place.

So what’s interesting is he was doing so well. He had more women coming out of the woodwork than he never had before. Even people that knew him were noticing. Now he’s like, “I don’t think I really even want her back anymore.” So he’s grown as a man. That’s why anything in life, success, building a business, even when it comes to relationships, you got to focus on the progression. In other words, the process. The process you have to go through in order to prepare yourself to go from where you are to where eventually you want to be. It’s a change in mindset, obviously. Sometimes if the guy’s out of shape or doesn’t take care of himself, changing his body, getting fit, getting in shape, not being a fat slob, if you will. I mean, when you consider, was it 74%, 75% of all Americans are either overweight or obese? You don’t have to be Mr. Olympia. Just being decently fit and in shape is going to get you noticed more. Something happens that’s invisible when you start pushing weights around is that you just get noticed more.

So let’s go through his email, because what’s great about this email is he’s at a place where he has peace. As a man, you’re gonna make your best decisions when you’re peaceful and you’re relaxed, not only in your personal life, but especially your professional life. So there’s a lot of side benefits to the fact things didn’t work out with this girl in January, but this guy committed himself to the process that I teach and he’s reaping the rewards, and he’s in a position of power in his life, which quite frankly, is where us men are supposed to be, especially when it comes to the ladies, because we’re supposed to be the leaders and they’re supposed to follow our lead.

Viewer Email:

Hey Coach,

You answered my email in January in a video newsletter titled, I Was The Rebound. She Went Back To Her Ex Again. Will She Come Back? Well, she’s back!

Just a quick recap: We started dating a month after her ex dumped her for the second time, and she was never over him.

Well remember, rejection breeds obsession. So like in this case, this guy got rejected and he didn’t want to be rejected. He wanted to keep dating and seeing her, but she went back to her ex, and the overall benefit of that is it toughen him up emotionally. Quite frankly, as men, we need to be tougher emotionally and not a bunch of gumbies or manginas.

She decided to go back to him, and I told her to give me a call if she changed her mind. After she left the last time, I followed your advice and went straight into no-contact.

It takes discipline to do that, because when you really care and you’ve been rejected, the illusion of action says, “Well, just call her. Maybe saying something different will change or she’ll be in a different headspace.” It’s like, no. You never try to keep somebody who doesn’t want to keep you. High status, high value men that have choices and options, they’re not going to be mad, they’re not going to be bitter. They’re just going to move on to ladies that are single and ready to mingle and who are enthusiastic about seeing them.

No begging or pleading. I took about a month-and-an-half off from dating and just solely focused on myself, career, fitness, social life, and just doing whatever the hell I want.

So what he did is he focused on himself and making himself happy, because the idea is you want to get to a happy place first, and then attract somebody who also is in a happy place. If you’re miserable, you’re unhappy, or you’re not fulfilled and you think a woman’s gonna make you happy, typically you’ll attract an unhappy woman as well. Then you’ll both be miserable together, which is a bad way to go. When you’re happy, what are you gonna do? Your chest is going to be out. Your head is going to be back. Your shoulders are rolled forward, or I should say, roll backward. You walk with a proud physiology. You smile a lot. That makes you look approachable, happy, and fun loving.

At the end of the day, girls just want to have fun. If you look like you’re having fun in your life, they want to hop on your fun bus. If you look like you’re fucking miserable and life sucks, well they’re gonna avoid you like the plague because again, girls just want to have fun. So it’s important to get yourself right emotionally, and then everything else will just kind of fall into place.

I filled my life up with new hobbies and activities, through which I’ve met so many incredible people and have grown so much!

I heavily evaluated myself and how I showed up in the relationship. I dove back into your book and have now read it 12 times!

Well, this is what serious students do. They take it seriously. Especially when you get burned, when you get that emotional pain of rejection and being tossed out like the trash, it’s eye opening. It makes you go, “You know what? That really sucked. I don’t want to do that again.”

I cringed when I realized all the mistakes I made! I never harbored any animosity toward her, and while there were many things she did wrong, I take full responsibility for my own shortcomings and for letting myself be put in that situation.

Well, that’s why you have the power to shape and change your destiny, because you realize the buck stops with you. It’s your life. You’re the CEO of it.

Once I stopped worrying about getting in a relationship and started focusing on myself, I was blown away by how many women I was attracting.

Well, because a guy who is content in his personal life is not hungry. He’s not trying to get anybody in a relationship. He’s got plenty of feminine energy into his life, and women can feel this. They can sense that you’re not hungry and you’re not desperate. As a matter of fact, you’re almost giving off a bit of a vibe where you’re aloof and you’re kind of disinterested because again, when you’re content, you’re satisfied, women pick up on it. This is why every guy that’s been in a relationship, is in a relationship, or is married always wonders why where all these women when they were single. It’s because your vibe is completely different. It’s a non-attached, non-needy, non-hungry vibe and women are drawn to it like moths to a light bulb.

I never thought I’d have this many women of such high quality throwing themselves at me! I’ve even had friends and family notice this as well. And apparently, she noticed too.

So he wasn’t being attractive for her. He was being attractive for himself. Not only did other women notice, but the supposed ex noticed as well.

She had been watching my stories. Her dad secretly texted me out the blue in mid-February saying she dumped her ex.

Dad’s trying to help his daughter out because he knows she’s kind of an idiot. She passed up on a good dude, but then again, he displayed obviously weakness and unattractive behavior and, I don’t remember exactly what was in that video newsletter, but he probably helped chased her back into the arms of her ex.

I answered him respectfully, and wished him well but didn’t reach out to her. Fast forward to a couple weeks ago, I practically ran into her on a date with some new guy. She didn’t look too happy with him and was shocked to see me out having such a good time with my friends!

See? He’s just having a good time. Like he didn’t even miss her. Like it didn’t even bother him. So she’s on a date with a guy that’s not going well, and she looks over at him and she’s like, “Damn, that guy’s having a good time. I was an idiot for jumping off his fun bus to get back on the ex, because it didn’t work out anyways.” That’s usually what happens. If it didn’t work out the first or the second or the fifth time, it probably won’t work out the next time.

Two weeks later, after three months of no contact, she finally reached out wanting to meet.

See? It’s his inaction at this juncture that is most attractive because he’s having a good time. It looks like he’s just moved on and couldn’t give two shits. He’s totally indifferent to it. See how powerful that is?

She came to my place and apologized for everything and said she felt horrible for how she treated me. I was very kind to her and kept it light and fun. She said it took her some time to work up the courage to reach out, and I have to give her credit, it took some integrity on her part to come and do that. Where I am now is she asked if I’d give her another chance. I still care about her, but after dating these new women, I’m just not really sure if I even want her back anymore.

Yeah, because you got better. You got better, you applied the book, you attracted better quality women. You’re like, “I didn’t have to deal with any of this stuff with these new girls. Why would I want to go back to this woman who treated me poorly?” She should learn the lesson of losing a good guy because she acted like a ratchet.

But hey, we’ll see what happens! Your work has completely changed my life, both through my relationships and finding my purpose.

Thank you so much, and I hope this helps other guys see hope in their own tough situations!

Bob

Well, thanks for sharing!

If you’ve got a no-contact success story or just a really good success story and you want to share with the class or the audience, send it to [email protected].

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen on any page, and book a coaching session with yours truly.

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