When I was younger and inexperienced, all too often I would get hung up on a girl I went on one date with who later rejected me, or somebody I was hoping to be with who was either a friend, or already in a relationship and therefore unavailable. This caused me to fixate all of my attention and emotional energy on someone I had very little potential with. Months and years of my life were wasted on women I essentially had no chance with. The whole time this was going on, I was constantly meeting and interacting with many beautiful single women, but because I was hung up on a fantasy, I really wasn’t even in the game.
When we get hung-up on one woman only who has not earned it through her actions, we are either acting needy due to a scarcity mindset and fear of loss, or this is our pattern of how we unconsciously sabotage our own success to avoid a relationship altogether by fixating on someone who is unavailable or uninterested. We tell ourselves all kinds of lies of why we should stay focused on our daydreams and fantasies, instead of realizing we have a lot of options. As a matter of fact, from a purely numerical standpoint, there are more beautiful single women in the world than you could ever possibly ask out. What you want is out there. Not only that, what you want also wants you, but you have to be in the game to score.
Busy successful men who are very popular with beautiful women never get fixated on just one woman when they are single. Why? Since he sees himself as and acts like he is the prize, women respond accordingly. They see him as a catch and are willing to chase and seduce him to get him to choose them over all of his other choices with women. He simply does not have the time to worry or think about women with mediocre or low interest who are not responding to him.
Busy successful men communicate abundance. They come from a place of abundance. If things don’t work out with one girl, no big deal. There is another bus every 15 minutes. The following is an e-mail I received from a reader. It seems he has gotten himself all wound up over some woman in Serbia. At this point, he thinks she may not even be a real person. This guy has taken himself out of the game for an imaginary woman! My comments are (in bold brackets like this) in the body of his e-mail:
My situation is about some girl over in Serbia who is coming over to the U.S. She is doing work abroad and can get any job with her degree. She says she wants to get a job near me, particularly sales, or so she says. She wants to find a place over here where she can make a dwelling with her job and the man she wants to be with. Which I’m taking is me because of all the detailed letters she has been sending me, but I haven’t heard back from her since the last one which is turning a week into forever (Putting all of your eggs into one basket is unwise. An alpha male sees himself as the prize. Women are chasing him and blowing up his phone. He does not have time to even think about women he has not heard from because he’s too busy responding to women who want to see him tonight. Getting hung-up on one woman is a bad way to go! It puts you in a scarcity mindset which causes you to take actions from a fear of loss standpoint. That will always put you in a weak position and cause women who would have gone out with you because you passed the physical attraction test, to reject you as being weak or a beta male.)
The ultimate truth that has occurred to me is, she will need money to get over here and I’m not paying for it (That’s a smart move!). I’ve been asking her all this time if she is a real person. Now all I believe is that this is a scam. I should of known from the start it was to good to be true. She has got to be offering something that is too good to be true, which is not. (Do you feel a little silly for getting hung up on a fake dating profile that uses pictures probably of some model for her profile pictures? Have you thought about all of your emotional energy you have invested in this imaginary woman? I am sure guys fall for these fake profiles all the time and then end up sending money to imaginary girlfriends, who in reality is probably some naked old guy sitting in a musty basement somewhere holding a chicken LOL.)
I’m trying to forget about her, but I can’t sit at a standstill with these letters, until I hear something back (Do nothing. If she is real, she will contact you. When she does, you should talk to her on video Skype to ensure she is real. If she is, be direct and ask her when she wants to come and meet you in person? If she really wants to meet you, she will make definite plans, and then e-mail you her itinerary so you can pick her up at the airport. If she doesn’t know when she will be able to come and visit, tell her, “Great! I got to run, but shoot me an e-mail when you figure it out.” and then you can forget about her. If she really wants to see you, she will make it happen.) I regret sending the last letter saying she could find someone better than me, which I believe is truly wrong. (That was pretty weak and communicates, “I don’t deserve you. You should reject me. I am a loser. Women do not find me attractive. I am a low status male. I am unsuccessful with women. Etc.” Never do stupid things like that. The best thing you can do is to try to meet some real women in your area instead of engaging in online circle jerks. Months of your life are being wasted on a fantasy instead of actively interacting with and improving your skills with the type of women you really feel you deserve in your heart. If you keep being hung-up on one woman, you are doing nothing to improve your skills or level of understanding of what women really want and emotionally respond to. Repetition is the mother of skill. Get off your ass and into the game if you want to attract the right girl for you! Life is not a spectator sport. It requires your participation.)
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From my heart to yours,
Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“It had long since come to my attention that people of accomplishment rarely sat back & let things happen. They went out & happened to things.”-Elinor Smith