Probably the biggest obstacle to men being able to interact with women in a healthy and successful way, is their use of logic and reason to try to get a woman to do what they want. Men who write to me are always so focused on and worry about what to say to women to make them feel sexual attraction for them, instead of directing their attention to how their actions and what they say make women feel. Women come pre-wired to think and act based upon their emotions. When a man starts using logic and reason to persuade a woman, right away she can tell that he does not understand women, and therefore, is also unsuccessful with them. If women think you are unsuccessful with other women, they will reject you.
Women simply want to have fun and enjoy the moment. There is no thinking or following logical plans when it comes to having fun in a woman’s eyes. Men who are only focused on getting serious or being serious, don’t know how to just relax and have a good time. When overly serious or logical men interact with women, the things they say cause women to feel emotions that are inappropriate for the moment. Women want to be in a love story, not an emotional drama. Women know that men who are overly serious and logical, usually try to force women to do things they do not feel they are ready for.
A woman wants to feel safe and comfortable. That she can be herself, and have a good time free from any drama or serious subjects. Love is playful and fun, not serious. If you want to blow your chances or ruin your relationship with women, just act serious and stay in your logical mind.
The following is an e-mail from a reader. His girlfriend just dumped him unexpectedly because he became lost in his logical mind and stopped playing with his girlfriend. He writes a pretty long e-mail detailing his logical approach to why things went sideways. He got into his head and out of his heart. His girlfriend seems like she can’t get away from him fast enough. My comments are (in bold brackets like this) in the body of his e-mail:
First off I’d just like to say that I think what you’re doing is great & I really have a huge amount of respect for people like yourself, who do what you do, and the effort you put forward into helping other succeed. You have a lot of great advice. (Thanks)
I was wondering if there’s any chance I could get your insight into a recent development in my relationship.
My story’s a bit long so I’ll try to keep it as brief as possible without leaving out the facts. As a bit of a back-story, to start, I’m 22 years old, a full time artist & entrepreneur. About 4 years ago after a really messy break up from a 3-year relationship I began dedicating a good part of my life to self-improvement, and strategies for success trying to suck up information and inspiration from anywhere I could get it, from past veterans like Dale Carnegie to people like yourself. (Awesome! Good Job!) Ever since then I’ve never had a problem attracting women, in fact, the fact that I attract women has caused about 90% of all the blips in my current relationship. Within the first year of this I ended up meeting an absolutely amazing girl and we’ve been together solid for the past 3 years. Now in the past week our relationship has run into a bit of a situation. After a couple days analyzing our relationship, I’m pretty sure I know where I made most of my mistakes but now it’s the issue of fixing the problem that now seems near impossible. Usually I’m pretty good with this sort of thing but I’d love to get an outside opinion.
So here it goes. A few months ago my girlfriend and I decided to move in together and get a loft in the city. I’ve been living and working full time out of the apartment from the beginning, but my girlfriend has been staying part time at her parents house, due to its proximity to her current dead-end job, until she could find full-time work in the city. She finally just got an amazing job, full-time in the city & was supposed to move in with me fully this past weekend. However instead of moving in, she ended up breaking up with me. I was completely shocked, and did not see it coming at all. (You were unprepared because you did not know the knowledge in my book. You can download the Amazon Kindle version of my book to your Smartphone, iPad, PC or Mac in under 60 seconds for only $9.99 by clicking here.) Looking back I probably should have seen it, (only if you would have known what to look for) but I’ve had my head too wrapped up in developing my carrier and my own life that I missed all the warning signs. Since the beginning of our relationship I have slowly been shifting almost all of my energy into developing a successful carrier path, and in turn I ended up neglecting key aspect of maintaining our relationship. (Most guys do. The courtship never ends. If you stop dating and courting your wife or girlfriend, some other guy eventually will) At this point she seems to be trying to avoid all contact with me, although we have a lot to figure out and deal with now that she is moving out. (Not in her mind) I’m trying to hang back as much as I can since she obviously wants her space, but there are a lot of unresolved things we need to sort out, outside of our relationship. I have only been able to meet with her once briefly to try and talk this past week and she came across EXTREMELY awkward and uncomfortable. She didn’t want to talk and seemed like she just wanted to leave as soon as possible. (Low interest will do that) I tried to play it cool and act like the breakup didn’t bother me at all, however my dog actually ended up passing away earlier that day, so I know I definitely wasn’t at my best.
Looking back I think there were probably several factors resulted in the breakup. (Just one. You lowered her level of interest in you) I think one of the big factors that lead to the majority of the negative moments through our relationship, was that she is a pretty insecure person. (Nope. You lowered her level of interest in you by not treating her properly) Through our relationship I’ve been trying to guide & help her overcome these insecurities, and become successful, but she is an extremely stubborn person in that no matter what I say there is no reasoning or talking logic into that girl, (Stop right there. Women are emotional beings. Not logical ones. Arguing with a woman is a fools errand.) if its contrary to her current opinion. This insecurity has been a real problem through or relationship due to the fact that a lot of girls are attracted to me and I have a lot of female friends. Although I have never cheated on her, she believes that I have due to some unfortunate and untrue rumors as well as general suspicion, and again, there is no reasoning with her or convincing her otherwise. Part of this I feel is a flaw on my part as I sometime come across as flirty, although I don’t intend it to be that way it just seems to be a part of my nature and the way I am.
Another major factor that I really have almost no control over is the strong influence of her family and friends back home. I know her current friends and particularly her parents have been trying to persuading her to break up with me for a wile, I know they only have her best interest at heart, but they just don’t get it, they don’t get the idea of living the dream. I am self-employed, own a clothing company and am a fully time artist, but her parents don’t get that. (Most people don’t get us entrepreneurs, nor can they relate. They only accept and look up to you after you have succeeded) They don’t understand the value of art or the idea of self-employment. They both work office jobs, seem pretty miserable, and believe that’s just how the world works. (Most people are like that) They think I treat her poorly, that I don’t have a job and my life is going nowhere.. Although I know she has tried to fight my case many times in the past, she has never been successful in persuading them otherwise. Meanwhile contrary to their belief I’m faithful, take her out, talk her up when she’s down, try to help her get her carrier going and in general try to be a really good guy to her. As for myself I now have work showing in galleries internationally and will have my clothing line in stores in 3 different counties by January. Yet they still see me as no good, don’t have a real job and irresponsible, they are just those kind of people. (What they think about you is irrelevant. The only thing that matters is how you think about yourself.)
The other thing that’s really not helping my case is that sometimes she can be a very emotional (Most healthy women are. Women are emotional beings. Not logical ones.) and an often negative person. Although it doesn’t happen all that often, whenever there is a problem in our relationship, or a worry about another girl she goes crying to her friends at work and parents about our problems until it gets better. Then on the other hand when we have good times they don’t really get mentioned all that much, or at least the emotional impact is not the same… So all they ever really hear is the negative stuff, and that’s what they base most of their opinions off of.
In the past, my girlfriend has been really good at trying to defend me to these people when they try to talk me down, even though she still believes I may have cheated on her.
One last slightly more minor yet equally frustrating thing is that there is a guy in my gf’s close group of friends who still works at a grocery store, as if his life is going anywhere, that all these people actually do like, her parents think he’s great and now I believe that either she has started to see him or at least will be soon. I’m really not to worried about this guy, he has nothing on me, and I’m sure she’ll realize that soon. But the fact that he’s there, gives her someone to lean on so that she doesn’t have to be alone during the break up. Making the situation all the more frustrating. (You see him as competition since you do not understand women.)
I have been so tunnel visioned on getting my carrier going this last year, I realize now that I’ve neglected to attempt to maintain the sexual tension that she needs in order to feel fulfilled in our relationship. Consequently as this slowly decreased, I feel like pressures from back home eventually prevailed.
I love this girl to death and she is my best friend. To be completely honest it isn’t the break up that is bothering me the most (bullshit), it’s the fact that she has been retracted into this suppressive realm, as well as the fact that these people have talked her into believing me unworthy. (Your actions, or lack thereof did that.) Normally I would just tend to wait out the situation, however due the fact that these people have such a strong influence on her decisions. I feel as though the longer I wait to butt in, the more they are going to talk me down, the more the are going to decrease her interest in me. (Dude, its over. You lost because you were unprepared.)
She is a graphic designer so she has a very similar career path to my own and her parents as you might imagine are suppressing and are doing nothing but hold her back from her full potential. This has been an issue that has prevailed in her life for as long as I’ve known her, but she lets her parents make her life decisions for her. She’s lived at her parents house her whole life, even wile at college except for several extended periods where she was living with me part time, I know her mother in particular wants pretty strongly to keep her at home and my gf has a strong home attachment that its been hard to break. Even if it ends up that she doesn’t want to come back to me due to trust issues or because I fucked up, I just want her to be free and able to make her own decisions. (You are not her shrink or counselor. That’s her and her families problem now.)
I’ve had several girls get in touch with me since the breakup and the easiest thing for me to do would be to just move on. (Yep. Do that… and them.) But this girl was an incredible person despite her insecurities and family issues. (You should never date someone’s potential. Only who they really are.) She was my best friend and I loved her to death. I can’t just walk away and watch her drown. (Not your problem. She made her choice and now you must accept it.)
It’s hard enough to win back a girl who won’t see you, (Hint. She does not want to see you. Never try to keep someone who doesn’t want to keep you.) and it’s even harder when her parents and friends support the break up, not to mention that grocery store guy.
I guess the main things I’m really curious to get your opinion on is A. what do you think some of the best tactics would be to help allow my girlfriend to better trust me even with other girls all around. And B. how the hell do I resolve this moving out, corrupting parents, other guy scenario, as well as your general insight into the whole thing. (Simple. Do nothing. Read my book 10-15 times to the point you know it so well you could give a seminar on the topic. That way you’ll be prepared in case she does come back. Wait to hear from her. If she does contact you, just invite her to meet for drinks and create a romantic and fun-filled opportunity for sex to happen. A.K.A. a date. If she says no to meeting up, then tell her to call you if she changes her mind, get off the phone and wait to hear from her. In the meantime, get busy meeting new women with a healthy self-esteem, family who likes you, etc. This girl was not a good match for you. You made that pretty obvious in your email.)
Thanks so much for taking the time to read my email, for your thoughts on the situation at hand. I really truly appreciate it! I know it’s the weekend and short notice, but if you get a chance to go over this sometime today, (Dude, seriously? I have a life. I don’t work weekends. I get to these emails when and if I have the time. I must take care of my paying customers first.) that would be amazing as I’m gong to see her on Sunday and I’m not really sure if or when I’ll see her after that. If you don’t get the chance, no worries I’m sure it will go over fine.
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Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
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