There is an old saying that says that nice guys finish last. When it comes to the type of guys who women reject most often, “nice guys” and pleasers are at the top of the list. So what is the problem with the nice guy?
The problem with a nice guy is not that he is a nice guy, but that he is too nice. He’s so nice to the point that he will bend himself into a pretzel to become what he thinks a woman wants him to become in hopes that she will fall for him romantically. The problem is, the nice guy is too weak, fearful or afraid to really be himself around other people. The nice guy believes that by being an inauthentic ass kisser, the women he desires will find him attractive. They are terrified of standing up to a woman because they are so worried about whether or not she likes him.
As a matter of fact, what he fears, he attracts. Why? Women want a man who has accepted himself and feels comfortable in his own skin. Men who have accepted themselves with all of their flaws and faults don’t care what other people think about them. Women love these men because these men are the only kind of men they can be around that makes them feel safe and comfortable enough to be themselves.
Nice guys and pleasers are so busy trying to be something they are not so they will be accepted by others, that they have absolutely no idea what it feels like or how to act around women they have interest in. Therefore, nice guys and pleasers always make women feel awkward because women do not feel like they can be themselves around these men. A woman is going to be most attracted to your authentic personality with all of your flaws and idiosyncrasies. Never apologize for being sexually attracted to a woman. She will either like you enough or she won’t. It’s always better to find out right away if the attraction is mutual so you don’t spend one second longer talking to someone you have no chance with. The more time you spend talking to women who are uninterested, unavailable or a bad match, the less time you will spend getting your brains fucked out by a goddess whose world you rock, and who rocks yours. Life is too short to spend it dancing with the wrong girl, or trying to be something you are not.
Since nice guys and pleasers spend most of their time acting like a butler around women instead of a man who is a catch, they get taken advantage of constantly. They never stand up for themselves. Women know that if they are with a man who will not stand up for himself, he certainly will never stand up for her physically or emotionally. Women will love a nice guy or a pleaser as a friend or a male girlfriend, but never as a lover. Women can not love a man who they do not respect. When a man compromises his integrity or his personality, it causes women to not trust his masculine core, or him. When women sense weakness in a man, they will pull away and test his strength. Weak men will chase and therefore get rejected. Strong men know that women are like cats and that the cats will come back when they feel like it. But not a moment before. Strong men know that they must give a woman the space to feel her feelings for him. The following is an e-mail from a guy who got dumped by his girlfriend because he was being too nice, and therefore acted like he was weak and unworthy. My comments are (in bold brackets like this) in the body of his e-mail:
Its been two years dating this woman. I have been nothing but a good boyfriend. I do as she tells me to. (That is why she rejected you. You act like a pleaser. You act like a feminine and submissive man. Women are attracted to assertive, masculine and confident men who don’t change their opinions to match a woman’s.) I go the extra mile. I have never cheated or go as far as hurting her. But all she does is complain & hurt me emotionally. (She bitches because she is unhappy. You have been weak and have been unable to open her up emotionally. Your weakness hurts her. Therefore she attacks you and blames you for all the problems in the relationship. You just sit there and take it like a weak little boy who acts more like he wants a mommy than a girlfriend.) She never appreciates anything I do for her. (She definitely does not sound like a giver. You should only date women who are sweet to you and who are a giver.) She verbally abuses me & I never talk back. (When a woman starts abusing you verbally, tell her to talk to you in a sweet and loving tone. If she does not stop, then leave. Tell her to call you when she is ready to talk to you and communicate with you in an adult manner. Wait to hear from her. Women must know that if they push you too far, you will walk and never look back. If you let a woman walk all over you and mistreat you, she will not respect you. If a woman does not respect you, she will not love you.)
So recently I opened up & told her how I feel & then she dumped me. I talked the way she does to me, hoping I might knock some sense into her head. (Not smart.) But instead she dumps me. I mean it was the first time talking like that & felt bad about it. Now all I do is mope over her. I really love her. (No you don’t. You are addicted to her. Usually men stay in these kind of relationships, because these women don’t give them the love that they seek. Much in the same way they did not get the love they sought from their mothers. You have been conditioned to think, feel and act in dysfunctional ways with women.) But when someone tells you frequently she doesn’t care about you, I’m good for nothing, I must be happy that we still dating & go to hell. How do I love her so much? Why does it hurt more than what she used to say? (You got rejected. The person who gets rejected usually sees their interest level double. You fear losing her and you want things to be different than they are with this woman, and therefore you suffer. When we want circumstances or people to act different or be different than they are, we suffer. The only solution? Accept what is. Accept the fact that your ex-girlfriend is an asshole and not good for you. She does not understand how to communicate with men in a loving manner. Let some other sucker deal with her.)
Right now I can’t even think straight. How do I deal with all this? How can I move on? (You should download the Amazon Kindle version of my book. It takes less than 60 seconds to download it to your Smartphone, Mac, PC, iPad, etc. for only $9.99 by clicking here. Then you should read it 10 to 15 times to the point that you could literally give a seminar on the topic. Then and only then, will you have the base knowledge of how to properly approach and handle your interactions with women. Then you must practice improving your skills with women relentlessly so you get better. Repetition is the mother of skill.)
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From my heart to yours,
Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“God has not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, & of love, & of sound mind.”-2 Tim 1:7