In order for a woman to feel strong feelings of sexual attraction for you, chase you and pursue you, you must let her come to you at her own pace. Women are more attracted to men whose feelings are unclear. Since women are emotional beings and not mostly visual creatures like men are, you must give them the space, time and freedom for their feelings for you to grow.
If you try to rush it, it’s like taking a cake out of the oven before it has had enough time to cook into a fluffy cake from a liquid batter mix. Trying to force a woman to like you more, and want to see you more before she feels it internally, is just like taking a cake out of the oven before it is fully cooked.
What happens when you take a cake out of the oven before it is finished cooking? It usually deflates. That is what happens to a woman’s interest level in a man when he tries to chase her, and force things to happen before she feels that she is emotionally ready. It causes her interest level in him to deflate.
The mother of one of the women I wrote about in my book which you can download from the Amazon Kindle store for only $9.99 in under 60 seconds to your PC, Smartphone, iPad or Mac by clicking here, gave me some great advice about how to get her daughter to fall for me.
She said, “Corey, you need to let her feelings for you develop over time.” This particular girlfriend told me herself, “Don’t try to force things with me. Let me come to you at my own pace.” Women help you when they like you. So will their mothers if they like you also and think you are good for their daughters.
If you are a guy who is needy and insecure like I used to be, it is an art more than an exact science when it comes to maintaining the balance between pursuing her too much and backing off too much. If you pursue her too much, she will lose interest and want to see you less and less over time. If you back off too much, she will think you really don’t care about her and you may lose her to another guy.
I get a lot of e-mails from men who have been dumped by their girlfriends, wives or blew it with someone they really liked. Women reject men they are dating or in relationships with all for the same simple reason: their men lowered their level of interest in them.
Since most men, 97% of men that is, don’t understand women well enough or what they emotionally respond to, it is simply a matter of time before they get dumped. The sad thing is, since most men are too egocentric, they will choose to continually fail with women instead of reading a book like mine, and learning how to apply it successfully so they get the results they really want and deserve.
I can’t stress this enough! The phone, e-mail and texting, just like in sales, is for setting appointments (Dates. a.k.a.: Romantic and mysterious fun-filled opportunities where sex can happen. No lunches or movies or activities that friends would do.), not for giving out information! When a woman contacts you, use it as an opportunity to set up your next date. Make a definite date, with a definite day and time to either meet up or pick her up, without any calling back to verify the date nonsense that women bring up when they either a) have low interest in you, b) they are testing you or c) they commit to a maybe date so they can simply cancel the date by ignoring you when you call, text or e-mail to verify that she still wants to see you.
If a woman cannot, or is unable to make definite plans with you and instead wants to leave things up in the air, then simply say to her, “Why don’t you just give me a call when your schedule is a little more definite and we will make plans to see each other then?”
If she really wants to see you, she will back up and make definite plans. If she doesn’t really care about seeing you or has low interest in seeing you, then she will simply say, “okay” when you do the take away. Your time is valuable. See yourself as a catch.
If you see yourself as a catch and are popular with women, you are certainly not going to leave open one of your valuable and limited evenings to plan a definite maybe date. Why? If she cancels on you at the last minute, you certainly don’t want to be sitting home alone because she wasted your time or took you for granted.
If she says, “okay”, then simply wait to hear from her. Don’t contact her anymore. If her interest level is below 51%, you will never hear from her again. If it is above 51%, she will call, text or e-mail you when she has not heard from you.
A good rule of thumb is to let women do 70 to 80% of the calling, texting and pursuing. On your dates, you should also let women do 70 to 80% of the talking by simply asking her questions about herself, or things about her that are of interest to you.
If you really like a woman, you’re going to be fascinated by her. You’re going to want to know everything about her. It’s not an interrogation, it’s sincere genuine interest in who she is as a woman. If you let women do 70 to 80% of the pursuing, chasing and talking, they will not break up with you. If she is chasing you, she can’t be getting rid of you.
However, if the ratio is around 50% where you both are evenly pursuing one another, there won’t be that much sexual polarity or attraction between you two. Some women get upset and mad at me when I talk about this fact. From an intellectual and politically correct perspective, 50-50 sounds reasonable. However, women are the way they are and they respond to what they respond to.
Over the past 15 years… myself, my friends, my family and thousands of my clients, have proven that women will love you more and want you more if you let them do 70 to 80% of the pursuing and talking. That way, you will remain a mystery and maintain strong sexual chemistry and polarity.
The following is an e-mail I got from a reader. My comments are (in bold brackets like this) in the body of his e-mail:
Hi Mr. Wayne,
About a year ago, my ex and I broke up and went our separate ways after she found a new boyfriend (that is a red flag. She left you for another guy. This woman is not good relationship material. Have an open relationship with her or a friends with benefits relationship, but not an exclusive relationship, unless you want to get your heart broken).
I walked away for 10 months and after a class we have together, she came and sat down next to me and we ended up talking for a good 30 minutes and caught up and laughed and joked around, etc. Over the last 3 months she would always text me in our class and be really flirty and playful, and I would do the same thing back, but she would never commit to actually going out with me (You acted like a friend. Not a lover. You also were seeking her approval.) I even showed the texts to a female friend of mine and she agreed that there is no way she still doesn’t have feelings for me. (Probably accurate.)
I found out yesterday that she is now dating a new guy. He lives in Scotland, we live in Wisconsin and he’s really not around a whole lot I would assume. So I feel as though that gives me an advantage in that I’m physically closer to her than he is.
I just read your “best strategy to get an ex back” article and I loved it. I was wondering if you thought it would be a good tactic to use here. (No. That is for someone you just broke up with. This is a relationship that ended over a year ago. She has dated several men since you.) I’m able to walk away. I already did for 10 months and am willing to act on it.
Here is what I was planning on telling her though:
Look, I saw you’re dating somebody new. I’ve been under the impression for the last few months with the way we were interacting that we were moving towards being something again. The fact of the matter is I still love you and I still want to be with you. You still mean the world to me.
I’m not interested in being friends because I can’t be around you without wanting to hold you in my arms again. And I can’t keep doing this flirty text thing because I refuse to be the way you get attention when your man is unavailable. So unless you feel the same way, I don’t think we should talk anymore. I don’t want you to call me unless you want me. I’m happy to have had you in my life, it was a great experience. I wish you all the best. I just can’t settle for anything less than what I truly want.
(You should do nothing. Next time she texts you, send three or four texts back and forth between the two of you, and then ask her this, “what evenings are you free this week?” Let her tell you. Then ask her, “how about we meet up at Houston’s at 123 Oak St., etc. for a drink?” If she won’t make definite plans, then tell her to text you if she changes her mind. Then walk away.
If she agrees to meet up, treat it like your very first date. It’s a clean slate. The past is irrelevant. Forget about the boyfriend/girlfriend talk or getting back together talk. Just focus on having some fun. In the meantime, you need to download and read my book 10 to 15 times to the point that you could literally give a seminar on it. You need to learn the basics of what I teach if you want to be successful with women and eliminate rejection.)
Thanks for your time,
If you have a question you would like me to consider answering in a future Video Coaching Newsletter, you can send it (3-4 paragraphs/500 words max) to this email address: Questions@UnderstandingRelationships.com
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From my heart to yours,
Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“True mastery can be gained by letting things go their own way. It cannot be gained by interfering”-Lao Tzu