Let Women Come To You

Nov 26, 2011 by Coach Corey Wayne

Photo by iStock.com/Peopleimages
In order for a woman to feel strong feelings of sexual attraction for you, chase you and pursue you, you must let her come to you at her own pace.

Women are more attracted to men whose feelings are unclear. Since women are emotional beings and not mostly visual creatures like men are, you must give them the space, time and freedom for their feelings for you to grow.

If you try to rush it, it’s like taking a cake out of the oven before it has had enough time to cook into a fluffy cake from a liquid batter mix. Trying to force a woman to like you more, and want to see you more before she feels it internally, is just like taking a cake out of the oven before it is fully cooked.

What happens when you take a cake out of the oven before it is finished cooking? It usually deflates. That is what happens to a woman’s interest level in a man when he tries to chase her, and force things to happen before she feels that she is emotionally ready. It causes her interest level in him to deflate.

The mother of one of the women I wrote about in my book which you can download from the Amazon Kindle store for only $9.99 in under 60 seconds to your PC, Smartphone, iPad or Mac by clicking here, gave me some great advice about how to get her daughter to fall for me.

She said, “Corey, you need to let her feelings for you develop over time.” This particular girlfriend told me herself, “Don’t try to force things with me. Let me come to you at my own pace.” Women help you when they like you. So will their mothers if they like you also and think you are good for their daughters.

If you are a guy who is needy and insecure like I used to be, it is an art more than an exact science when it comes to maintaining the balance between pursuing her too much and backing off too much. If you pursue her too much, she will lose interest and want to see you less and less over time. If you back off too much, she will think you really don’t care about her and you may lose her to another guy.

I get a lot of e-mails from men who have been dumped by their girlfriends, wives or blew it with someone they really liked. Women reject men they are dating or in relationships with all for the same simple reason: their men lowered their level of interest in them.

Since most men, 97% of men that is, don’t understand women well enough or what they emotionally respond to, it is simply a matter of time before they get dumped. The sad thing is, since most men are too egocentric, they will choose to continually fail with women instead of reading a book like mine, and learning how to apply it successfully so they get the results they really want and deserve.

I can’t stress this enough! The phone, e-mail and texting, just like in sales, is for setting appointments (Dates. a.k.a.: Romantic and mysterious fun-filled opportunities where sex can happen. No lunches or movies or activities that friends would do.), not for giving out information! When a woman contacts you, use it as an opportunity to set up your next date. Make a definite date, with a definite day and time to either meet up or pick her up, without any calling back to verify the date nonsense that women bring up when they either a) have low interest in you, b) they are testing you or c) they commit to a maybe date so they can simply cancel the date by ignoring you when you call, text or e-mail to verify that she still wants to see you.

If a woman cannot, or is unable to make definite plans with you and instead wants to leave things up in the air, then simply say to her, “Why don’t you just give me a call when your schedule is a little more definite and we will make plans to see each other then?”

If she really wants to see you, she will back up and make definite plans. If she doesn’t really care about seeing you or has low interest in seeing you, then she will simply say, “okay” when you do the take away. Your time is valuable. See yourself as a catch.

If you see yourself as a catch and are popular with women, you are certainly not going to leave open one of your valuable and limited evenings to plan a definite maybe date. Why? If she cancels on you at the last minute, you certainly don’t want to be sitting home alone because she wasted your time or took you for granted.

If she says, “okay”, then simply wait to hear from her. Don’t contact her anymore. If her interest level is below 51%, you will never hear from her again. If it is above 51%, she will call, text or e-mail you when she has not heard from you.

A good rule of thumb is to let women do 70 to 80% of the calling, texting and pursuing. On your dates, you should also let women do 70 to 80% of the talking by simply asking her questions about herself, or things about her that are of interest to you.

If you really like a woman, you’re going to be fascinated by her. You’re going to want to know everything about her. It’s not an interrogation, it’s sincere genuine interest in who she is as a woman. If you let women do 70 to 80% of the pursuing, chasing and talking, they will not break up with you. If she is chasing you, she can’t be getting rid of you.

However, if the ratio is around 50% where you both are evenly pursuing one another, there won’t be that much sexual polarity or attraction between you two. Some women get upset and mad at me when I talk about this fact. From an intellectual and politically correct perspective, 50-50 sounds reasonable. However, women are the way they are and they respond to what they respond to.

Over the past 15 years… myself, my friends, my family and thousands of my clients, have proven that women will love you more and want you more if you let them do 70 to 80% of the pursuing and talking. That way, you will remain a mystery and maintain strong sexual chemistry and polarity.

The following is an e-mail I got from a reader. My comments are (in bold brackets like this) in the body of his e-mail:

Hi Mr. Wayne,

About a year ago, my ex and I broke up and went our separate ways after she found a new boyfriend (that is a red flag. She left you for another guy. This woman is not good relationship material. Have an open relationship with her or a friends with benefits relationship, but not an exclusive relationship, unless you want to get your heart broken).

I walked away for 10 months and after a class we have together, she came and sat down next to me and we ended up talking for a good 30 minutes and caught up and laughed and joked around, etc. Over the last 3 months she would always text me in our class and be really flirty and playful, and I would do the same thing back, but she would never commit to actually going out with me (You acted like a friend. Not a lover. You also were seeking her approval.) I even showed the texts to a female friend of mine and she agreed that there is no way she still doesn’t have feelings for me. (Probably accurate.)

I found out yesterday that she is now dating a new guy. He lives in Scotland, we live in Wisconsin and he’s really not around a whole lot I would assume. So I feel as though that gives me an advantage in that I’m physically closer to her than he is.

I just read your “best strategy to get an ex back” article and I loved it. I was wondering if you thought it would be a good tactic to use here. (No. That is for someone you just broke up with. This is a relationship that ended over a year ago. She has dated several men since you.) I’m able to walk away. I already did for 10 months and am willing to act on it.

Here is what I was planning on telling her though:

Look, I saw you’re dating somebody new. I’ve been under the impression for the last few months with the way we were interacting that we were moving towards being something again. The fact of the matter is I still love you and I still want to be with you. You still mean the world to me.

I’m not interested in being friends because I can’t be around you without wanting to hold you in my arms again. And I can’t keep doing this flirty text thing because I refuse to be the way you get attention when your man is unavailable. So unless you feel the same way, I don’t think we should talk anymore. I don’t want you to call me unless you want me. I’m happy to have had you in my life, it was a great experience. I wish you all the best. I just can’t settle for anything less than what I truly want.

(You should do nothing. Next time she texts you, send three or four texts back and forth between the two of you, and then ask her this, “what evenings are you free this week?” Let her tell you. Then ask her, “how about we meet up at Houston’s at 123 Oak St., etc. for a drink?” If she won’t make definite plans, then tell her to text you if she changes her mind. Then walk away.

If she agrees to meet up, treat it like your very first date. It’s a clean slate. The past is irrelevant. Forget about the boyfriend/girlfriend talk or getting back together talk. Just focus on having some fun. In the meantime, you need to download and read my book 10 to 15 times to the point that you could literally give a seminar on it. You need to learn the basics of what I teach if you want to be successful with women and eliminate rejection.)

Thanks for your time,

Tom

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“True mastery can be gained by letting things go their own way. It cannot be gained by interfering”-Lao Tzu

Published on November 26, 2011

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. I agree with it, when I am in love I want tell him every day about my love, thats my nature and it flow natural way from inside. But other women magazines prove that men love to chase womem, and when she reciprocate, they lose interest. Where is the truth?

  2. my wife moved out of house on our anniversary, weve been married 13 years and im deeply crushed and want to get her back. weve communicated a few times with me expressing a little to much emotion, she has not mentioned divorce but has been very non responsive when I text. im so hurt that this has happened and don’t know what my next move should be. I want my wife home again. she says she is working on herself right now and it seems clear im not a priority at this point, what do I do please help

    • Start looking elsewhere..plan on spending evenings boozed out alone because you’re gonna loose ALL your friends who can no longer bear your whining and endless droning about what she’s doing.. Sorry but this is real talk. She’s not worth it..pal. consider her a lost episode in your life..move on.THERE ARE MORE FISH IN THE SEA! be a little more careful with your neXt choice

  3. I’ve noticed you tell men to let women come to them. As a woman the advice I get is always let the man come to me. How does this work? I’m confused and just want to start an easy relationship with no games with someone I really like.

  4. What I can recommend in your situation is that you ignore her that is dont call or text , just stand your ground on not contacting her and if she still has feelings for you she might come back based on remebering some of the memories you have shared together ,depends on what you really did that pushed her out but based on the way you sound she probably perceive you to be too emotional.stand firm man, life is about risk if she comes congrats if not its gonna be her loss! Rock on corey wayne

  5. iam met a women who is a perfect 10 ,iam around a 6 .women like this never go for me .my fear is that its just a matter of time before she finds her perfect 10 match.we been on 3 dates ,shes responsive and doesnt play games offers to pay her own way.iam 54 shes 47 financially stable.iam doing well masters degree home, toys 90k salarey and iam always described as a nice guy.,but iam a 6 i dont think shes a gold digger .ive decieded to continue dating others untill commitment or sex with her but i also dont want to lose her because iam dating others.what do u think

  6. i also dont want to be in a position were another women wants me and me her ,but then the 10 is still not sure but if she does become sure she wants me it would be ugly to dump the current women for the women thats a 10 ,she also has other great quaitys besides looks .if this does occur do i just say the hell with it who cares iam going for the 10 now and dump the other one

  7. The key is balance. Know when to reach out and pull back its really that simple. Plus if you’ve had really good dates and a really great connection she will remember you trust me. Look good be confident and focus on yourself. Don’t fake it till you make it they always see through that. When I focused on myself she always came back wanting more.Indifference is truly key not cold but with or without you I’ll be fine. If she comes back cool if not keep it moving no need to dwell on somebody that doesn’t want you.

  8. Women are little girls deep down needy their father figures yes Deep down I won’t to call her the one I love but trust me that kills, don’t call and text a needy man, let her call you all you need to do is listen to her problems let her talk as much or a little as she likes but as time goes by she phone you more and more and she see you as her best friend in the world and yes you can keep it best friends or you can even make her your girlfriend if your clever but you need bags and bags of patience. Trust me it works.

  9. Thank you Corey for the wonderful advice. My name is Matt Spadaro. I have a 4 yr old son. His mom Jennifer and I have been separated for yrs now. I been trying to get her bak since. Besides not havin my life together at the time i was to needy not givin her space to feel for me again. Im just now learning to do so. Focusing on bein a dad n letting her come to me is key. Your words and video really inspired me to be a man be strong at heart letting life flow. Im so in love with her. Being together lord willing with my son happy his parents are together i could not wish for more. Please if you have any more advice for me please contact me for i have much questions. Thanks and God bless.

  10. Chasing a man a lame. Most women fall into the trap and at least half realize that they’ve been chasing nothing more than an illusion. Relationships with men are high risk for many women. From domestic violence outcomes, poverty after divorce, to abortion and pregancy, to the sacrifices that highly intelligent women often make on their careers for the men they have chased and the children they end up being largely responsible for, statistics show time and again that it just isn’t worth it in the end for many women. Until the risk of relationship is equally high for men and women, men will most rationally need to prove their willingness to accommodate women.

  11. I am based in UK and I have been talking to this girl in Spain for over a month. I try and only text or call her once a week, however she sends me txt messages and pictures every few days of how her day is going. Pictures are of her work or friends. She has not mentioned me to her friends though, she said they would ask a millions questions about me. I spoke to her 2 days ago and she said why don’t I ever call her. So I said I would call her the next day but the next day she said she was busy meeting her friends who has recently been engaged. She said she wants to meet me when you is back in Uk in 2 weeks and seems very keen. So now should I ignore her for a few days and wait till she is back in 14 days?

    Your help would be appreciated.

    Mark

  12. I am based in UK and I have been talking to this girl in Spain for over a month. I try and only text or call her once a week, however she sends me txt messages and pictures every few days. No dirty pictures lol. Pictures are of her work or friends. She has not mentioned me to her friends though, she said they would ask a millions questions about me. I spoke to her 2 days ago and she said why don’t I ever call her. So I said I would call her the next day but the next day she said she was busy meeting her friends. She said she wants to meet me when you is back in Uk in 2 weeks and seems very keen. So now should I ignore her for a few days?

    Your help would be appreciated.

  13. I think that men who take this advice will need to realize that they will most likely end up making most women think they aren’t interested. A man who let’s a woman do 70-80% of the calling is significantly filtering the pool of eligibles because many many women are hardly going to call a man that often–regardless of how much they like him–and especially if they are also being pursued by other men.

    • I think Corey’s advice is worth trying especially since what I’ve been doing (chasing, and always being available) has been the opposite of what he teaches. I’ve had very little success doing what I thought was best in the past.

  14. Ive been seeing this girl for about a month now. At the beginning she was txting me everyday and coming over every evening and seemed well into me. I always asked her questions about herself, listened and related and joked around teasing her which she pretended to hate but obviously really liked. She said she had fallen for me hard and displayed alot of feelings for me and I always told her how much I liked her as well (which seems like a mistake after reading these posts) we got very personal telli g each other about our past and struggles etc…it felt lime we had really bonded. we didnt have sex till about 2 weeks in. Then out the blue she said she had to go move away for abit to live with her mate as her mum was kicking her out and that I wouldnt see her for a while, I thought it was a hint so I offered her to stay at mine till she gets things sorted, she said she couldnt and didnt really want to say why. After this I didnt here from her for a week then she would just txt me ‘hope your ok’ to which I would say im fine and end it there. She then txt me the same thing a week later and I then tried settinh us up to meet a shopping centre to hang out (which I now think wss another mistake) she responded ‘ill let you know as im busy with work and stuff…’ after that another few days went by and she txt again asking if im ok at this point I said I was fine and wanted to speak with her tomoz on the phone. I then asked her to be my girlfriend thinking she would just say no but she said yes, I cant figure this out…now a few days have passed and she is still really distant with me when I saw her tbe other day she dosent want to kiss me and is avoiding going back to my house and the hug goodbye was weak. I also got a txt from her the other day saying ‘what time do you finish work?xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx’ followed by ‘not for you dont worry about it’ I know shes had bad experiences and has trust issues but we made out when we first met and have had sex already so I have no idea what is going on….pls help

  15. If anything, if you should be chasing after your own happiness. It’s pointless to chase after illusions. Find your own happiness first and the rest will follow.

  16. I’ve noticed you tell men to let women come to them. As a woman the advice I get is always let the man come to me. How does this work? I’m confused and just want to start an easy relationship with no games with someone I really like.

  17. I’ve been letting women come to me for the past several years. When can I expect them to make their way to me? (No, i’m not ugly, fat, out of style, blah, blah, blah, etc.) Should I wait another decade perhaps?

  18. ive been working at this place doing cover for another work colleague . ive meet this beautifull women and what I mean is nice to talk to and shows respect to me to . one day I was there not to long ago . and I was up there stairs and they were having a work meeting as all places do an the managers was there to . I was in hall way doing my work when the manager called me out and said to me in front off her workers aren’t you in love with me . haha talk about being embaressed I just replyed back you seem to already have the answer to that . I then dissapeard back to work I could hear her telling them that she knew I was in love with her .. plus that she was in love with me to . and she guessed that I needed time and that she can wait for me . now I was back another day doing cover and had the evil red eye look when I went up the stairs just staired at me . then strangely I was out at the grociers an 1 hour later getting some it to eat and there she was passed me at the door said hiya Gerard I said awh hiya . what a change from getting evil red eye that morning . now I decided to go in to see how she was a few days back . she passed me going in looked sad in her face she went up stairs so I let her go up and I followed her up and went in to see her . I used the toilet excuse I know it was wrong . I asked her if she was ok I had my hand around her she was sitting down to she just turned around and looked up at me with a smile .then suddenly I had to go to toilet would you believe it . I don’t know if she was looking me to kiss her when she looked up at me with that smile its hard to say . or she was trying to help me along .

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