Women Want To Feel Safe & Comfortable

Aug 29, 2011 by Coach Corey Wayne

If your wife or girlfriend is uninterested in sex or always has trouble getting wet, when before she was always initiating sex and always dripping wet any time you put your hands down her pants, this is the sign of a woman who does not feel safe and comfortable in the relationship. It means that she may be angry with you, have low interest, you may have done something to hurt her, etc.

A man is responsible for the environment and the direction of the relationship. After all, a man will penetrate his woman physically, emotionally, spiritually and mentally. If he has stopped courting her, there is financial stress, he argues with her or simply does not know how to break down her barriers when she is upset, she will shut down to him emotionally and physically. She will lose her interest in sex.

When a man does not take care of what he needs to take care of the relationship (managing money, keeping his word, understanding and communicating with her effectively, etc.) she will doubt his masculine core, pull away and test. She will become bitchy.

Your job as a man is to recognize when your woman shuts down to you so you can open her back up to you through communication. Ask her what’s wrong? Tell her she seems a little distant and that you want to know what’s in her heart? Say things like… “tell me more, don’t leave anything out, I want to understand where you are coming from, what else?, etc.” you will know when you’ve got to the root cause of the issue and have resolved it to her satisfaction. She will give a sigh of relief and probably say… “I feel so much better! I’m so glad we talked!” Until you hear those words, you need to keep digging and getting her talk about her emotions and her feelings without trying to solve the problem. For women, talking about their problems helps them resolve and work through them. Getting them to talk will also reveal if it is something you have done to hurt them. I go into a lot of detail on this subject in my book.

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“The greatest glory in living lies not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.”-Nelson Mandela

Published on August 29, 2011

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. I’ve ingested every word..u are absolutely correct! I yr ago this weekend I met HER. IM 58. she’s 54. From the opening, it’s been all green lites, dates, sex, calls or texts 24/7. Always good times..no begging for a relationship. Really taking our time..lowered MY expectations as she said “I was rushing it”..85 days into my ’90’.(u know once we start getting it?) Then breast cancer struck! Facing chemo sapped the life out of her energy. She spoke of leaving ‘us’. I said I’m STAYING. (a feLLa can’t abandon a good woman even if she thinks so) chemo treatments plus aftermath has taken 4 mos plus 2 to get her near normal, energy wise. She never cancelled on us.she’s said, I’ve been her RoCk! We see each other 2-4 a week. We shop, date, visit,and have fun. Her hair is a few inches and she’s seXy as he’ll,,laffs at my jokes..calls me sweet names. But NO SEX! Im cool with that..my problem? I’m trying to deal with the NO HUGS. Her Lack of TOUCH is driving me up a waLL. She’s used to playfully tease me and stroke me. Lately I moved her washer from the basement..pipes/wires..the whole deal. She jumped into my lap. (Hell yeah!) Even let me stroke her.. then BAM! it’s like the guard said “Visits oVer!” Last week I received an expensive Surprise gift comforter via UPS. For WHEN she’s coming over?!? She would always say..come get me and I’ll stay all nite..but No sex. When she did come, I could tell she was VERY uneasy..so I didn’t pressure her. She’s a highly bossy person but if she Loves you? It’s REAL. But everyone catches hell if she doesn’t have her SaY. She’s sweet as pie afterwards. And she will LisTeN and ACT..in return. Corey..you’ve really helped me. She’s had suitors and ex married bfs who went on. I know I’m the kinda quality guy that is NoT afraid to deal with her manly attributes.She says she loves my being assertive, that I work with my hands and heart and know how to say the right things at the right time. She says she’s ‘not there yet’ and I’ve heard you expound on THaT..oh boy! I don’t feel she’s stringing me along and her family says she speaks highly of me..but then I’ll hear a “well, waiting for Mr Right” ( unless I become that poor bastard,,? I hope HE drops dead! I done ALL his damn plowing! WHERE’S MY HARVEST?)

    • health issues may be at play
      I don’t know either of you
      keep yourself grounded in your own life and take care of yourself so that whe you give of yourself it’s without expectations
      In this way you will be living authenticity and the act of giving will bring you joy regardless of what others give back
      Invest where you are appriciated
      Begin with yourself
      Best wishes
      Sweet1

    • hi
      oh my I feel for you man
      I know how much you want to give her everything
      dose she know your true financial situation?
      Do you allow her to believe any thing unrealistically about your plans and future?
      If she doesn’t understand and you feel you have expressed financial realities then it it unreasonable for her to expect something that you are not comfortable with or would potentially create hardship.
      If an unrealistic prescient were to be set regarding finances you could be in trouble (red flag)
      Plan and have a sit down with your future partner; address this honestly and lovingly and apologize if you may have mislead or allowed her to have unrealistic notions of your financial plans and style. Tell her how much you want to make her happy. I hope she will open her heart and pull you in as her hero for your open and sincere expression in setting things right for your future together. I wish this outcome for you. you may need to be patient especially if she or you both are young but don’t despair. Stand your ground steadily and you will earn the respect and admiration of a good woman.
      keep a cool head and a warm heart
      good luck

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