Here’s why you must always court your wife or girlfriend, or risk her leaving you for a man who does court her properly! When men come to me who are having trouble in their relationships, whether it’s a guy who’s having trouble with his girlfriend, or a guy who’s having trouble with his wife, the problems are always for the same one or two reasons. The first reason and the one that is the most common mistake guys in relationships make is: they stopped dating and courting their girlfriends/wives once they fell in love with them. The second reason is: lack of communication skills and the ability to understand what a woman is really asking and needs from you to make her feel loved and validated by you. It’s often a combination of the two. When people first meet and fall in love, they both are putting their best foot forward trying to win the other person. However, as soon as they move in together or get married, it’s almost as if they assume… “hey, they’re not going anywhere! We’ve got a 30 year mortgage!” A man must always court his girlfriend/wife if he wants to keep her happy and in love with him. Girls just want to have fun! Women fall in love with you because of the fun they have with you. When a relationship devolves into horsetrading, tit for tat, a negotiation, etc. the relationship then becomes all serious and full of drama. That is the last thing a woman wants!
Women want you at your best. They want you to have goals and dreams you are striving to achieve. If you are a successful man, then your lady can share in your success. She can be proud of you. A man must have a purpose outside of his relationship. He must have goals, dreams, hobbies, etc. that keep him engaged and excited about his life. Too many men make the mistake of making their dreams take a back seat to what they think their women want, when all their women really want is, their men to act like men and do the work necessary to succeed and achieve at anything they put their minds to. The following is an e-mail from a reader. He got married to his third wife after only a few months of dating. She is cold, bitchy and distant. Plus, she’s not interested in sex much anymore. He says living with her the past year and a half has been a pain. He wants to know what he needs to do to turn things around to stop her from bitching, and to make their sex life great once again. My comments are (in bold brackets like this) in the body of his e-mail:
I read your coaching newsletters and I got your book, but I finally decided to write you. We’ve been married 3 years. It is the 3rd marriage for both of us. When we got married, after dating about 3-4 months, (Wow! That was quick. I say it’s always best to date several years before getting married. You want to get married after the initial infatuation has worn off. That way you make sure you’re getting married because both your hearts compel you to. Not because it’s puppy love.) it was awesome. We had sex morning and night… usually. She had little bouts of jealousy early on: “why are you looking at our waitress?” type of things, but I thought she was over it. (That was because she liked and valued what you two had. She was also not completely sure of where she stood with you. She was still trying to win you.)
Over the past year to year and a half, she has been a pain to live with. Sex is very infrequent. She says, “I’m tired, I have other stuff to do, etc.” (Translation: “I don’t feel safe and comfortable. Once you got me, you assumed you no longer had to court and date me. You make me feel like a sex object and like you only want to touch me when you need a release. I don’t want to feel used. I want to feel loved by a man who makes the effort to wine me and dine me continuously as a constant show of his love and affection of me as his number one. You don’t take the time to dig and discover why I am so distant and uninterested in sex because you obviously don’t care about me, or us enough to want to make things like they once were. It’s easier to shut you out since you don’t know what to do to fix things.”) She works 2 or 3 days a week and is also taking online classes. I pay the bills, she works for “her money” to buy a new car, etc. I’m 56, she is 49. Sometimes I think it’s menopause, but she refuses to go to a Dr. She is a nurse and she thinks she knows it all. (Your wife has shut down to you emotionally. You must date and court your wife/girlfriend always! The courtship never ends. If you don’t date her… SOME OTHER GUY EVENTUALLY WILL!!!)
She has become very grouchy, (Women become bitchy and grouchy when they feel hurt, unloved and unopened emotionally by their man. They feel you don’t dig deep enough to find out what’s really wrong because you don’t care or love them enough anymore. Therefore, she feels hurt and rejected and assumes you really don’t love her. Because if you really did… you’d show it through your actions. You seem more interested and upset at the fact you aren’t getting laid, than discovering why she is hurting and shutting you out. That is how she probably feels about your marriage right now… if I was a betting man.) and I am tired of sex once every 2 weeks or so. I have talked to my pastor. We both are Christians and used to go to church together. Lately she has chosen to work on Sundays, and he suggested counseling, but I’m not sure if I can get her to go. She has not gone to social outings with me, events at church, lunch at a friends house, etc. because she is too busy “studying.” (She has been slowly withdrawing as it becomes more and more apparent you don’t know what to do, or that you won’t do what it takes to make things better. She does not feel like she can be herself around you so she avoids you. It’s immature and dysfunctional from a communication standpoint, but she probably learned the same pattern from her mother and other female family members. Since she does not appear to be interested in counseling, you’re going to have to improve your communication/relationship skills. Plus, I suspect she blames you for the relationship being the way it is now. Therefore, she expects you to fix it. The longer you do not, the more pissed off and distant she will become.)
She will be done with this part of school in a few months, but lately she has been talking about going further for even another degree. Is this just an excuse to NOT be with me? (Possibly, but I think she is slowly working at creating her own life where she does not depend upon you. Why? She does not trust your masculine core because of weak behaviors you have displayed in your relationship. Not keeping your word, not doing what you say you will, not knowing how to fix things in your relationship, etc.) I can NOT go on living like this, and would love to hear your advice and suggestions. (You need to immediately start dating and courting your wife again. Plan a nice definite dinner date several days in the future when you know she is going to be free. Be mysterious. Don’t tell her what you’re going to do. You must get her to talk and open up to you emotionally. See my article how to open your woman emotionally, my article how to communicate with women effectively and this article for further clarification. Reread my book. You need to read it 10-15 times in order to learn the material well enough to do most things right long term to prevent future problems in your relationship. You can download the Amazon Kindle version of my book to your Smartphone, PC, Mac or iPad in under 60 seconds for only $9.99 by CLICKING HERE to learn how to meet and date the type of women you’ve always wanted and have effortless relationships. I would also suggest you book a phone coaching session with me ASAP by CLICKING HERE.) Thank you and PLEASE do not use my name if you ever share this letter.
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From my heart to yours,
Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“What you do to get her to fall in love with you, is what you do to keep her in love with you… romance! The courtship never ends!” ~ Corey Wayne