How to let your past pickup, dating & relationship failures go so they no longer keep you from new successes! Moving on from a breakup can be a very difficult time for a man or a woman. Getting rejected by a girl you really like, or worse, getting rejected by a girl you really like who you had a chance with until you ruined it by acting needy or inappropriate, is also difficult to deal with… at first. I can tell you from my experience of several long-term relationships, marriage, helping girlfriends raise their children, mentoring at-risk children, personally interacting with thousands of women, going on thousands of dates, and successfully coaching thousands of men and women around the world to improve the quality of their lives and their relationships, that better always comes. Each relationship that has ended, prepares you for the next. As you grow and become better, the quality of your relationships and success in life will improve dramatically. The best way to let failures, mistakes and rejections go? Make some new ones! Get back on the horse! Most women who you like, will not like you. Don’t take it personally. You must get through the no’s in order to get to your first yes. As your skills improve, you approach fewer women you have no chance with, and more women you do have a chance with. Why? As your sensory acuity and experience grows, you start to recognize the patterns and learn what to look for when it comes to determining whether or not you have a chance with a particular woman. When you get really good, you’ll simply be able to look at a woman and see and feel you’ve got a shot with her. Not only that, but you already know she’s going to say yes before you even open your mouth! Now that is power! However, it only comes with practice and mastery of what I teach. The following is an e-mail I got from a reader. He screwed things up badly with his ex-girlfriend. He said a lot of harsh things he now regrets. She’s changed her phone number so he does not know how to get in touch with her, or what he would say to her if he did. He’s dating new women, but he’s still thinking about and comparing the new women to his ex. My comments are (in bold brackets like this) in the body of his e-mail:
I was wondering when should I try to make contact with my ex? (You wanna heat up leftovers?) When we first broke up I was very immature and confused. I said some harsh things. She changed her cell phone number since then. I have not made any attempts to contact her. (Smart guy.) However, I want to apologize to her for my immature ways and actions. (Why? She’s changed her number and if she thought it was important for you to have her new number, she would have given it to you. Let it go. Apologize internally to her. The past is gone. The only thing you have control over is how you show up now, and, in the future. How about using your desire to contact her as fuel to force yourself not to so you can build some emotional muscle, strength and self-control? Focus on becoming the best version of yourself that you can be. Re-focus your efforts on deciding what’s most important to you and what goals you want to accomplish in this next chapter of your life.) However, I am not sure how or what to say that may convince her I mean what I am saying. (Let it go. It’s not important. What is important is that you get really familiar with my book. You can download the Amazon Kindle version of my book to your Smartphone, PC, Mac or iPad in under 60 seconds for only $9.99 by CLICKING HERE to learn how to meet and date the type of women you’ve always wanted and have effortless relationships.) I accept the fact we will not be together, but we shared a lot. (You still want to try and get her back. Right now you need to focus on you and becoming the best version of yourself that you can be. This will make you more attractive to women in general and help make it easier for you to succeed and implement what I teach. Repetition is the mother of skill. By interacting with a lot of new women using what I teach, this will build your confidence and cause you to start to lose your fear of women and being rejected. The less you hold back, the easier it will be to seduce the women you want.) I would like to remain friends. (Bullshit. You want her back.) She has never told me anything since the break up in November 2011. (That should make it crystal clear she does not want to talk to you.) I made the mistake of chasing a dream and I chased it out the door. (Chasing women always guarantees rejection. It’s needy behavior that communicates that you do not feel worthy to be with the women you want.) I am learning from you slowly and have made it a point to try and read your stuff daily; even if I reread something. (Good job! Start applying it. Knowledge is only POTENTIAL power. It only becomes power when you apply it.) I just don’t know what to do? (Focus on learning and applying my material so you improve your skills and success with women. Then, I am sure you will run into your ex when you feel most confident, happy and fulfilled. By then you won’t want her back. Why? You’ll be dating women 100 times hotter and a better match for you. The more women you have screwing your brains out, the less you will be able to remember or think about chicks who have blown you off or not returned your phone calls or texts. The more success you have with women in your life, the easier it is to attract even more women. Why? Because you learn to go with the flow. Where intention goes… energy flows. What you focus on expands.) Also, I am currently seeing someone else and I find myself comparing her to my ex. Is that normal? (Of course. That is why you need to date as many new women as possible. You will improve your skills quickly. Guess what else? The better your skills get, the more confident you will become and the better quality… and higher caliber women you will be able to attract. Women who you right now consider out of your league.) I do not let anyone know, or show it when those thoughts pass my mind. (Fake it until you make it.) I try to close them as quick as they enter. I know I may have lost a beautiful woman. (Relax. She’s just 1 girl out of over 3 billion to choose from here on planet earth. Your odds of finding a better one are guaranteed.) I want to assure myself I don’t lose another one. I am 40 and feel I have a big heart. I am a giver. I like to spoil the person I am with. How do I break myself of that? (Simple. Decide to. Then act accordingly. You need to learn emotional self-control and how to pay attention to a woman’s level of interest in you… and… adjust your approach as necessary to keep it high. Instead of lowering it by acting weak. It fluctuates, always. See page 120 in my book for further detail.) What a mess I am at 40. (So what. The past does not equal the future. It does not matter if you were a total loser your whole life up until this moment. Right now is a fresh new moment and an opportunity to try and be a little better than you were yesterday. The real battle is won in the mind.) Hope to hear from you soon.
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From my heart to yours,
Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“We either make ourselves miserable, or we make ourselves happy. The amount of work is the same.” ~ Carlos Castaneda